Rendezvous_그래도(nevertheless), 72.7 x 60.6 cm, Oil on canvas, 2016
Rendezvous_무아(self-effacement), 72.7 x 60.6 cm, Oil on canvas, 2017
Rendezvous_우울(depression) 1, 90.9 x 72.7 cm, Oil on canvas, 2017
Rendezvous_우울(depression) 2, 90.9 x 60.6 cm, Oil on canvas, 2017
Rendezvous_우울(depression) 3, 80.3 x 65.1 cm, Oil on canvas, 2017
By the time I was thirty-years-old, I began to feel responsible for my life. Who is 'real me' among strangers? Since birth, I have been a person who acknowledges others' gaze unconsciously. As a matter of fact, people, in general, do not pay attention to me that much. Even if they do, my reality would not be affected by it. Although I am very influenced by what others would think of me, it is my mind's problem rather than theirs. It is a problem driven by my shallow ego. As my ego becomes poorer, my appearance, on the other hand, becomes flashier. Like overwrapping an unworthy gift, my weakened self-confidence needs heavy embellishment on my physical self. That overly done appearance adorns me with a shallow confidence and I stand in front of others believing that is my true self.
This self-confidence is very brittle, it tears and wears off easily. Risking this fact, I still obsess over decorating the exterior while ignoring the interior. The exterior gets fancier as the interior gets uglier. In the meanwhile, I lose my identity and without realizing, I sink down to the abyss.
To meet the standards established by strangers, I need to find the real 'me' who hides behind the showy exterior. Now on, I am trying to break free from this panopticon, of which I locked myself in. This art project of mine is the commencement of that liberation and a journey to seek me. It could trigger me to confront my inner self and have conversations between selves. If I do confront, acknowledge, understand, and accept, would I be able to love myself truly? I want to love my true self whom I abandoned to meet others' gaze.
I want to free my lonely self who suffered from the lack of self-love and turn self-obsession to love.
To fulfill my insufficiently lacking ego, I try to be courageous from today on.
I want to free my lonely self who suffered from the lack of self-love and turn self-obsession to love.
To fulfill my insufficiently lacking ego, I try to be courageous from today on.
