Rendezvous_무념(absentminded), 40.9 x 31.8 cm, Oil on canvas, 2017
Rendezvous_무념(absentminded)2, 72.7 x 60.6 cm, Oil on canvas, 2018
Rendezvous_사념(evil thought), 72.7 x 60.6 cm, Oil on canvas, 2017
Rendezvous_불안(uneasiness), 100.0 x 80.3 cm, Oil on canvas, 2017
Rendezvous_실명(blindness), 72.7 x 50.0 cm, Oil on canvas, 2018
I look back, seeking my obstacle. I was choking myself with groundless reasons. I finally found the reason while I was chocking my throat. It was the shame. This shame locked me in a prison of other's gaze by myself. It also formed a begging personality for other's acknowledgment.
My desire for other's acknowledgment was spinning free while ignoring myself.
When most of my friends were putting makeup, I was suffering from the fever called adolescence. Seventeen, I started makeup as I was anxious and pressured of being left out, and scared of being ignored. And it grew into an obsession.
From the time that I can remember, adults compared me to others and their words brainwashed me to the point that I locked myself up in a small box of other's frame. Since then, I constantly put myself on the scale with others. As I was doing so, I was filling myself with self-hate, self-rationalization, and self-rage. I couldn't see 'myself' in my gaze that followed others restlessly. Repeating those times, I was isolating myself in my world.
I ignored 'myself' to exist. My existence that was like a dust, made me breathe and made me chock. 'I' was dying as to exist in their world.
'I' want to live.
I want to solely exist in myself.
I want to get out of this 'shame' from objectifying myself.
I want to look at myself as who I am with a subjective view.
My work is a process of doing it. I believe that I can look and accept myself through repeating this process. If I acknowledge and accept myself as I am, then I believe that I can comprehend others without misunderstanding.
My desire for other's acknowledgment was spinning free while ignoring myself.
When most of my friends were putting makeup, I was suffering from the fever called adolescence. Seventeen, I started makeup as I was anxious and pressured of being left out, and scared of being ignored. And it grew into an obsession.
From the time that I can remember, adults compared me to others and their words brainwashed me to the point that I locked myself up in a small box of other's frame. Since then, I constantly put myself on the scale with others. As I was doing so, I was filling myself with self-hate, self-rationalization, and self-rage. I couldn't see 'myself' in my gaze that followed others restlessly. Repeating those times, I was isolating myself in my world.
I ignored 'myself' to exist. My existence that was like a dust, made me breathe and made me chock. 'I' was dying as to exist in their world.
'I' want to live.
I want to solely exist in myself.
I want to get out of this 'shame' from objectifying myself.
I want to look at myself as who I am with a subjective view.
My work is a process of doing it. I believe that I can look and accept myself through repeating this process. If I acknowledge and accept myself as I am, then I believe that I can comprehend others without misunderstanding.
