sixty year accession to the throne. Since 1952 Queen Elizabeth II has predominated twelve countries, given birth to two children and made one of the first ever phone calls to this guy about the war. The British Monarchy is a long standing tradition. The Queen represents a form of social hierarchy in means of wealth and although continually up for debate and open to global ridicule, the monarchy is a main source of income by virtue of tourism. The day began with the masses gathering along various sections of the River Thames, drinking heavily and shovelling hand fulls of walkers crisps down their faces.
A few people set up picnic baskets at South Bank Skate Park which pissed a few of the local skaters off. But nothing a few pork pies and scotch eggs wouldn't help patch
Tesco sold an array of union jack memorabilia and had Pringles on sale.
As the build up to the Jubilee pageant started, flocks of people wearing flags as dress shirts hoarded towards the rivers edge to secure a viewing spot for the procession.
Some representatives at Waterloo station where generously distributing UKTV Gold periscopes, serving as both cheap and effective marketing, a general aid to shorter patriots and a brilliant way to obstruct every photograph taken during the proceedings.
Very few people were in a good mood and in true British fashion the Thames was a wash with residents complaining about the organisation, the weather and the overwhelming crowd that they were part of. Considering BBC News suggested one million people turned out to see the pageant, one lady remarked "This is ridiculous, I can't believe no one thought to put chairs out for everyone"
Russell Crowe from Gladiator.
Colonel Sanders in a terrible mood.
This lady didn't have a clue what was going on, but had managed to find a quiet bench in the middle of a lake to read her newspaper.
For one day only all of the pubs and restaurants in Central London shunned anyone with any special dietary needs and cut their menu's to pork sandwiches, beef pies, strawberries and cream.
We walked the back streets of London in hopes that we would find a hidden viewing platform for the pageant, but instead found The Village People playing a reunion show in an alley. Supposedly olden day times East London states that buttons create an image of wealth and class.
Wallace from Wallace and Gromit with a flag stuck to his face.
The periscopes also doubled up as a genius way to read other peoples text messages and creep on your friends.
Over a thousand boats mustered down the River Thames between Hammersmith and Battersea before dispersing to West India Docks. Amongst the many Olympic row boats The Spirit of Chartwell carried The Queen past her many minions. The Spirit of Chartwell, as well as the various Navel, Police and Rescue boats were as big in stature as they were in size, and the crowd lost their minds.
Mom's everywhere deemed it appropriate to cover their children's scalps in flags and tinsel. This kid in particular decided to hijack a periscope to find out why.
As the Queen sailed past the crowd transformed into a Dixon's commercial. A sea of hands producing Camera's, Smartphone's, Video Camera's and iPad's rose to capture what must have been a series of pixelated images showing minuscule versions of The Royal Family. The new technological world is a scary place.
Keeping true to tradition the rain started and the masses flocked towards the nearest Tube Stations. We walked the now post apocalyptic streets home to find patriots taking shelter in darkened corners of the urban jungle.
This guy put a plastic bag on his head for the occasion.
