Okay fine, we admit it! When us girls get PMS, we get emotional. We get emo. Edgy. Catty. Sensies. We get crazy. We get teary. We read into everything and we interpret things completely the wrong way. We feel weird and not our selves and we say the absolute worst things to the people who are closest to us. We max out our credit cards on chocolate and buy things that suck the next day. We literally make the worst choices imagineable. 

 

Why? Because our hormones are out of whack, that’s why! But what can you do about it? Can a pad stop you from getting PMS? Unfortunately not. We can make it as invisible as we want, literally, we can make it disappear. But as much as we don’t want it to be, our emotions are in our own hands. So what do women do when they’re under the gloomy PMS thundercloud? They vent. They vent to their best friends, their colleagues, their mothers and the poor women behind the counter. Not only does venting alleviate the irritation, it brings women together. Nothing like a little group meltdown to lighten the load! 

 

And because of all this wonderful stuff just waiting to happen, Lifestyle has created a pop up stand for venting around the country. We’re calling it ‘Lifestyle Confessions’ and we’re asking ladies to confess their PMS meltdown moments. We want to know all the dirty, crazy, weird details. We’re keeping it anonymous, we’re keeping it light and most of all, we want to know all the stories! 

 

 

 

 

A short story written for the inside the direct mail piece.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Moodesa, but my friends call me Mood. And I am of the school of thought that PMS strikes at any time. One moment, you’re at work or home, doing your thang. Next moment, you’re feeling a little bit upset. So you start conjuring up reasons for being upset, because it feels better to have a reason than nothing at all. What could it be? Oh yes! It was that thing that s/he said and, come to think of it, a week later, you’re actually really offended. And before you know it, you have another three completely rational things to be upset about. So upset, that even a sentimental moment in a lighthearted Rom Com could set you off. And I don’t mean a little boo hoo. I mean big howling gloopy tears that drop and splash in slow motion. The kind of tears that spread your mascara all the way down your knees. However, at this point, you’re actually starting to feel quite good. It’s a sweet pain. You’ve read up enough to know that serotonin is released while crying, but you need to keep it up. So you think of more sad things. In fact, you actually skip the Rom Com and put The Notebook on. By now your tissue supply has run dry and the roll of TP is required. And the sight of your crying face in the bathroom mirror inspires more tears, and before you know it, you’re actually crying into the mirror, so much so, that your reflection feels sorry for you. Big wailing tears are pouring down your pouty face. It’s a beautiful moment. After a while, you tear yourself from the cool bathroom floor and walk towards the kitchen. And we all know where this is going. Because darling, there is only one thing that will turn this war to peace. Chocolate. There really is no point in sticking to your low-cal diet during this time of need. In fact, it would be better for everybody if you didn’t. Especially for your significant other. The one you’re about to have the talk with. The talk about how you don’t want to live in squalor. You know, squalor. The kind of mess caused by a sock on the lounge floor. You’re sick of it. And rightly so. You’re not going to clean up after him like his mother. You shouldn’t have to live like this. And before he even asks, you answer:  ‘No I’m not on my period, I have PMS, which is before my period! And even if I was on my period, I’m cross because Your Socks Are Everywhere!’ And then you think ‘That was mean, does he want to break up with me? It really feels like he wants to break up with me.’ And then he hugs you and you shout at him for hugging you too hard because Boob Ache! Oh dear. And it doesn’t end there. Oh no. I’ll speak for myself here, but my boyfriend isn’t the only victim in this scenario. Unfortunately for my bank account, my PMS strikes just as I get my salary. The weekend after the paycheck nearly always ends in a wild and reckless spending spree. Ka-ching, because I deserve it! Give me those shoes because they make me feel better about myself and I will sleep with them under my pillow because they cost twice my rent. When I go shopping, I always start in the cosmetics department. Get the London Look? That’s not relevant at all but I want it now! Oh, Kate Moss uses mattifying face base? That zit will only be covered up with the very best. Ironically, with the purchase of a thousand rands worth of zit-covering make-up is a kilo of zit-making chocolate. But two wrongs make a right, and no one said that being a woman would make any actual comprehensible sense. And then I wake up from my chocolate coma lying spread-eagled under an expensive pile of bad choices. My face is covered in ice-cream and there’s a half eaten sour worm stuck to the inside of my palm. My boyfriend has left a post-it note on my forehead saying Call Me When You Wake Up and for some reason my eyes are puffy, probably because of all the tears caused by all the feels. I’d better clean this mess up. Sigh. I’ve got PMS, but luckily with Lifestyle Invisible, only my behavior will give me away.