I didn't want to waste any more money or time, so I got the silkscreens done professionally instead, and voilà, I was on my way. What you see are paintbrushes, a squeegee, silkscreen ink, canvas panels, and some contraption I borrowed for holding down the silkscreen.
(Turns out I didn't need the contraption since the silkscreen automatically stuck to the canvas -- just had to peel off the canvas with my hands.)