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You are about to witness a journalistic depiction of my absolutely ridiculous & utterly insane life during the past two years. It hasn’t, by any … Read More
You are about to witness a journalistic depiction of my absolutely ridiculous & utterly insane life during the past two years. It hasn’t, by any means, been an easy road & I’m still stumbling along, trying to climb my way back from rock bottom. My soap opera type reality has forced me to dramatically grow as a person & for being granted a second chance at life, I am truly grateful, for now I’m much stronger and finally feel capable of creating a better life for myself. I sank to the point where my soul was dying & I actually did die for the second time, a week before my 28th birthday, which forced me to seriously evaluate myself & I was absolutely mortified when I finally saw myself clearly for the disgusting, embarrassing mess I had become. I have improved a hell of a lot despite the unbelievable amounts of stress I have & still do endure. However, I try to embrace each day’s new challenges & am constantly trying to repair my life by learning to be the person I want to be and to not neglect myself, especially not for the sake of someone, or something, else. Producing this series has become a somewhat type of therapy for me because for the first time, I completely tapped into my emotions from various experiences & was forced to confront certain nightmarish parts of myself, as well as deal with dark memories surfacing from deep within. This series consists of photographs that are quite intense, depressive, in your face & will no doubt offend some viewers. I, myself, still have a bit of trouble looking at them & this funnily enough makes me happier with the results because I was able to evoke an ongoing emotional response within myself. I am very proud of the person I’m becoming and of the progress I am making in my life even though there is still a long, hard road ahead of me. I believe these images to be the best work I have produced yet, plus it has made me appreciate my lessons learnt & face my demons, so ultimately I could realize and believe just how strong and resilient I really am. My psychiatrist was right… I am a fighter. Read Less
I liked watching blood spill from my body. It was as though a red river was washing all my pain away and cleansing my body, expelling all the toxicity and evil within me. Every bit of hurt I felt was able to escape from underneath my skin while I bled and I would watch it disappear down the drain.
Eating disorders are no stranger to me either. I seem to switch between them all...
From bulimia...
To binge eating...
And anorexia.
I became quite fond of alcohol at an early age, but seeing as I'm poor most of the time, I usually can only afford to buy passion pop, or something under the value of $10. Hey, big spender...
I've got a PHD in Chronicology!
I loved all kinds of drugs... uppers, downers, hallucinogens, etc. I wasn't fussy.
I am prescribed benzodiazapines for my anxiety disorder and after a while, I became accustomed to abusing pharmaceuticals and I would take all sorts of pills for whatever "ailment" I had. Self medication in the extreme.
Escalated drug use... this was a very dark time in my life, something I am not at all proud of, but at least I can honestly say that I have learnt some hard lessons. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to make you fully aware of how far away from yourself you've strayed.
You always seem to cross paths at least once with a two-faced person that is, or will, backstab you. I have met many of these people and will no doubt meet many more. (Model: Amanda Jayne Peters, Make-up Artist: Abbie Bartlett)
Welcome to my nightmare. A sinister clown jumps out of the darkness with enough ferocity to scare anyone to death. (Make-up artist: Abbie Bartlett)
Mental instability. This marks a time when I was completely unstable and didn't feel like I was "all there".
A photo within a photo of my brain exploding all sorts of drug associations - a collage made up of images I'd developed in the darkroom and a collection of newspaper/magazine clippings of words and phrases.
There are times when I consult the tarot cards to seek some sort of answers to the chaos in my life. Looking for hope and understanding, faith and clarity... I couldn't have asked for a better tarot spread for the final image of my series, as it basically reads that all my hard work is finally paying off.