Chester “the mole” O’Malley
Bently “bear” Armstrong
Hoss “the boss” Armstrong
Foreman Ed Stark **Notice that the Foreman’s last name has been changed to Stark to paytribute to the company lending us their equipment.
Screenwrite: Gold Rush
Open on Foreman Stark pacing his trailer office on sight ofthe gold mine. It’s a bitter cold January morning, still grey and hazy outside.Enter Hoss Armstrong through the squeaky trailer door.
Hoss (speaks in a rather raspy, gruff voice):Mornin’ Stark
Foreman:Hey there Hoss, how are things lookin out there today?
Hoss:Pretty bare, like it has been for the past couple months (PAUSE) we might need to start considering that our mine hasrun dry
Foreman:I just don’t get it! Our maps show that there is something out there, the guys just don’t seem too motivated to findit… I think it’s time to bring in a specialist…
Hoss:you mean one of those hoity toity geologists with their silly college degreeand their stinkingrid maps?!
Foreman: No…think more along the lines of amotivational specialist. We know that there is something out in our mines,our maps are showing that, we just haven’t been finding it for some reason…so maybe it’s time to do something to actuallykick our boys butts in gear! I talked with a guy from an incentive programcoordination firm last week and he says that a reward for hard work might bejust what our mine needs to get the guys to work a little harder.
Hoss: (Sarcastically) I haven’t got a clue whatyou’re talkin bout boss, but whatever you think… I’m gonna head back out andstart workin on the “back 9.” Oh and don’t forget to put in another order forthat DiselexGold… our supplies has about run out and it’s your turn to call thesalesman, I did it last month
Foreman rolls his eyes and shakes his head as Hoss heads outthe door to the foreman’s office. (End scene) Open up on single camera “tellall” scene with Foreman:
Foreman: Well ifa fancy reward won’t get these boys to dig then I don’t know what will… NowI’ve just got to figure out a way to make the program work. I’m thinking alittle friendly competition is what we need to get these guys to work a littleharder. (Look away from camera like he just remembered something) Oh yea,and I’ve got to order that darn Diselex Gold… I swear we burn more Gold than wefind around here!
Open on the mine, guys are all gathered around for lunch,with their lunch boxes open and their thermoses piping hot as steam rolls offthe top. Every cast member is present, including Camilla Hammerstine. She hasbrought her husband lunch for the day because 1. She forgot to give it to himthis morning and 2. She likes to be nosey and way too involved in every aspectof her husband’s existence (including his job). The cast is dressed in their warm dirty work clothes , and Camilla iswearing her gold “ugg” boots, gaudy fur coat, and warm hat and gloves, finishedoff with her custom gold hard hat to complete the ensemble.
We come in on the tail end of Foreman’s speech to the crewabout how things have been rough and in order to jump start the guys work ethicthey’re going to start a new competition for an incentive trip reward.
Foreman: So Iknow that’s a lot of information to process, but you guys have been strugglinto put up numbers this season and this is the only thing I can think of to giveya’ll a kick in the keester!
ChesterO’Malley: Well in our defense, it’s hard to fish when you don’t know what tocatch Stark
(guys chime-in in agreement)
JackHammerstine: Yea boss, we aren’t findin nothing in these rocks, it’s bare as ababy’s behind out here!
“Bear” Armstrong(sarcastically): Oh shut it (improperly pronounce Jack’s last name onpurpose) HammerstSTINE! The mostwork you’ve done around here is beggin your wife to give you your dignity back
JackHammerstine: It’s HAMMERSTINE!! (properpronunciation)
Camilla rolls her eyes in disgust and Jack gets lunges atBear as if he’s about to punch him but Foreman steps in before anything canhappen.
Foreman: That’senough men! Start thinkin of ways to use that anger in the competition and infinding us some gold around here, don’t waste it on each other!
Foreman walks away and Jack glares angrily at Bear while hestraightens out his coat in contempt.
Camilla(under her breath as she stomps past Bearheaded out of the shot): Hammerstine (proper pronunciation)
Open up on Single Shot “tell all” with “Bear” Armstrong.
Bear Armstrong: Someof the men around here are just morons…(fakecough) Jack Hammerstine (fake cough).But that makes winning this incentive program thingy even easier for me. Soboss man tells us that its gonna be set up in teams. Dad and I versus Jack andChester. My dad and I were practically born in the mines…these other guys don’tstand a chance! But I do feel a little bad for Chester, poor guy can’t help whohe’s related to. Pretty sure that Jack was adopted…granted they’re onlycousins, but Chester’s a pretty sharp guy…and well, Jack isn’t, simple asthat…its hard to believe they carry the same family bloodline (laughs to himself as he thinks about hisinsults he just said) Either way, dad and I are gonna hit the mother-loadthis week, I can just feel it… ive got a sixth sense about things like that…
Open on Cooney (Chester O’Malley) and Dehner (JackHammerstine) hunkered over at a tablewith coffee. Chester has papers and mapsand Jack is looking bored.
Chester:Jack, we can win this thing. You just have to understand the tools we have towork with. We need a plan – we need to have a plan and some goals every day. Wecan win this sucker because we’re smarter than Bear & Hoss.
Jack: Ihope this don’t take too long. I don’t like plans – they always mean more work.
Chester:Working harder and smarter than them two is what’s going to win us thiscontest. Sitting on your butt whining isn’t going to make that gold float tothe surface. Those guys may have more experience in mining and working theequipment, but they couldn’t find their butts with both hands. We’ve got thebrains. (pulling a pencil out of his pocket he begins to outline his “Plan” forJack, who continues to look bored.)
Chesterto Jack, pointing at his sketch: I’ve done some research and identified someneeds. We need to gather a little moreinformation and get more familiar with the lay of the land around here beforewe dig our first shovelful of dirt. (voice trails off as he’s finally gotten Jack’s interest and both poreover the maps and drawings.
Open on 1 shot of Jack sitting at the same table ”tell all”
Jack: I’ll admit, Chester’s thebrains of this outfit, but sometimes I think he works too hard. But I have toadmit, his plan makes sense. Those other yahoos won’t stay ahead of us –Chester’s too smart for that.
(Enter Camilla who sits down nextto Jack)
Camilla: How’s it going big guy?You’re going to be on the winning team, right? You and Chester and me – we’rewinners. I just want you to remember that, darlin’. Want me to go spy on thebad guys? I can be a big help!
Jack: looksdirectly into camera with a “I’m sunk if we don’t win this” look.
Video of Hoss & Bear working randomly around the site,jumping from one thing to another and not accomplishing much (I see this asb-roll of guys climbing in and out of equipment, equipment working [maybeaccelerate speed of video to make it seem like they’re working hard and fast ina cartoon sort of way]) Shots of guys conversing, looking disgusted anddisappointed in not finding any gold. Arguments erupt, Bear stomps off indisgust, etc. Hoss stares after him…
Video of Chester and Jack looking thoughtfully at maps andnotes and walking purposefully around site. (in background of one shot, we haveDana dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and ASP decorated hard hat walk toward a pieceof equipment and climb in. We don’t focus on him, but make sure he’s visible –kind of like an Alfred Hitchcock cameo.)
At one point, Chester points to map (we see map with an “X”marking the spot) and then points to area on ground where there’s also a big“X” marking the spot. (too hokey? I think it will get a laugh…) They proceed tothe equipment they’ll need, climb in and begin to move off toward the “X”.
One man tell-all shot with Foreman
Foreman Stark: A couple weekshave gone by and I can already tell which team is pulling ahead in this race. Iknow that Hoss and Bear were pretty confident in the beginning but since they’vestarted, all I’ve seen them accomplish is bickering and diggin themselves intoa bunch of messy, good for nothing holes. Surprisingly Chester and Jack seem tohave some kind of plan they’re stickin to and its getting them places. Chestercame to me really excited the other day and said he even might be ontosomething big, something that would change this mine for good! I can’t wait tosee what that might be….
Open on Chester Jack and Camilla all standing aroundsomething, we can’t see what they’re looking at, and then we see Chester benddown and pull something out of the ground, all their faces light up, Jack jumpsaround like a crazy person and Camilla goes WILD!! Chester just stands there inamazement… still can’t see what they’re all looking at…
Fade to black
Open on the award ceremony. The competition is over and it’stime to announce the winner. Chester and Jack stand on one side with Camillahanging close to them and Hoss and Bear stand on the other side. Foreman isstanding between the two groups with a new stranger (the incentive programrepresentative – Dana Weaver)
Foreman: Well the big day has come men. Its time to look atthe numbers and determine our winners!
Bear: It’s not even a contest Stark, I’m sure that pop and Iblew those other two shenanigans outta the water.
Camilla: Don’t be so sure there Bear, these two shenaniganshave a little surprise to reveal before the numbers are announced….show um’honey!!
Jack steps forward and pulls something out of his pocket…thecamera zeros in on his hands…it’s a MASSIVE DIAMOND!!
Chester: Looks like there was something down there Stark, wejust weren’t going about the right way to get it. After planning and doing somemore research, we figured out we needed to take a different approach. The goldis gone, tapped out, but that’s ok, because it turns out we’re sittin on one ofthe largest undiscovered diamond mines in this great state! We’re RIICH!!!!
Foreman: well FRY MY CHICKEN!!?? I had no IDEA!? We’re gonnabe fine after all men!
Dana: I guess that means we know who the winners are. Ittook hard work and a plan, but it looks like your efforts will pay off,congratulations Jack and Chester! You are the inventive trip winners for thisyear! But don’t be discouraged Men (addressingHoss and Bear who are looking quite disgruntled) this can be an annualcompetition if your foreman would like to adopt it into your business model.Just say the word.
Foreman: we’ll discuss it, but that sounds like a good ideato me. Now Dana…can you tell these me what they’ve won…!!! (in your best bobbarker voice impression)
End movie…enter dana and the winners on sight at the goldrush event where dana will tell the winners and the audience about this year’sincentive trip to Cancun, MX.