• insecurity

    ...is how it all started. self concious and with low self esteem, i'd compare myself to others and began to hate how i looked.
  • self perception

    i was bound to my own image of myself.
  • mass neurosis

    i became obsessed with my weight (often weighing myself up to 10x a day).
  • magnitute neurosis

    naturally, I became obsessed with my size as well, and measured myself often.
  • control

    self explanatory I suppose...my obsession with weight and size caused me to be very careful of what I ate...and if I did eat something I wasn't happy about, I'd either starve myself the next day or purge right after.
  • anorexia/bulimia

    i was mostly bulimic, but had anorexic tendencies. this is my perception of the eating disorders...
    i basically felt that whatever I ate (even if it was fruit or vegetables) would somehow ruin my body and make me gain weight. i would hate myself every time I ate.
  • shame

    i wasn't so much an alcoholic, but i will admit i used alcohol often to make myself feel better, detach myself from reality, forget what was going on, be someone else for a night, feel different, etc... even though it would always leave me regretful the next day.
  • regrets

    we all have regrets. i had mine, they weighed me down and made me feel dirty and worthless, but I've learned to let go of some things and "wash away" my regrets and shame.
  • saved

    ...from myself.
  • self worth

    fuck labels, I'm who I am and I try not to let anyone hide my true self.
  • la dolce vita

    without my friends and family, i wouldn't be who I am today. i am happiest with my friends, and I can be myself around them.
  • lost

    i hold an American passport and am considered an American citizen. the only time I've lived in the US was during my year spent at Savannah College of Art & Design. I can't relate with most Americans and don't feel at home there. (which is why I moved to Australia)
  • wayang (indonesian puppet)

    i feel more Indonesian than American, even if I don't look or act like it, and I love Indonesia for both it's traditional culture and modern culture.
  • memories

    they are a part of me, i won't forget the bad times and memories, but i have come to terms with them and know that they have made me who I am today.