“They Were Only a Series of Glitches”
“Tic,Toc. Tic, Toc.” along with buzzing and hissing noises circling around my ears at midnight.
Staring at the ceiling helplessly, I however tried to embrace those discomfortable sounds as they were also oddly serene moments. But there followed a series of sleepless nights that I had no choice but to endure.
Exhaustion, greatly anxiety and worries - these symptoms of tinnitus had gotten me nowhere, but had led me to the field of surrender. They indeed gave me a series of flashbacks of a couple years ago, when my inner chatter was once my belief; my mind talk was once my mentor.
The feeling was so familiar - being held inside a confined space. I had always had my own personal space; and would spend an enormous amount of time with myself. Only the situation had been very different.
Remembering a couple years back then, I might have had the quietest space to myself every night. But my inner being was however, not quite and peaceful. Within me, there was a pattern of ‘glitches’, that I tended to mental tortured myself with a wealth of toxicities. They had fed my negativities, and aligned my head with constant noises.
Unsurprisingly, during those old days, I wouldn’t be as clear minded as now. I would see everything that had happened to be unfortunate, and never did I have the urge to try to shift my perspective. I only blamed and endlessly sought false euphorias.
Even though this pitchy sound still visits me from time to time whenever I am feeling slightly stressed and anxious, I have learned to embrace it.
Embracing these glitches and sounds with a peaceful and quiet mind, I can then hear only whoosh and hush.
