“Dear Hagatha, Advice from Everyone's Favorite Faghag"
Satirical advice column - Creator and writer
Satirical advice column - Creator and writer
"Hagatha's scathing and often X-rated responses are both a satire of, and an over-the-top comment on the venerable advice genre."- Ross Care, “St. James Encyclopedia of Popular Culture."
**** SAMPLES *****
Dear Hagatha:
My best friend is such a drama queen! He's "in love" with a new guy every 2 weeks and all I hear about constantly is how great the sex is and how he has just found the love of his life! I'm sick of his always being the center of attention. How can I let him know how mundane his so-called adventures are wtihout seeming bitter?
Grand Central's Pal
Dear GCP:
There's only one course of action, my dear: Feign narcolepsy.
Everytime loverboy launches into another tiresome story about the joys of #156's throbbing "insert body part here," you plunge into a Rip Van Winkle-like sleep! Just imagine GC's reaction, when you suddenly plop face down into a plate of nachos at Chipotle, go flying off the treadmill at World's on a Friday eve, or tear through a red light at La Cienega and Santa Monica!! Your sonambulistic antics will have him seething with greenish envy.
Remember honey, there's only one way to be a "true friend" to a drama quent and that's to upstage, upstage, upstage!!
*********
Dear Hagatha:
I accidentally eyelash-curled one of my contact lenses seconds before the big show. I went out and stumbled around the stage, making a fool of myself. To my total horror, the audience loved the act and my next show is completely sold out from the buzz. It's great being successful but I hated doing it! ! Should I replace my lens and maintain my artistic integrity or work this blunder into my act and sell out?
Susie Brown Eye
Dear Susie:
Did you know, Ms. Brown Eye, that one of the greatest stars of television, that irrascible steed, the beloved "Mr. Ed" started his career as an intrepretive dancer and mime?
Early in his career, "The New York Times" described Eduardo as he was known in those days as "luminous and sylphlike - a dream on four legs." Unfortunately, however, the masses didn't take much interest and this accomplished equine nearly faded away into obscurity and destitution.
It was a cruel bicycling accident that ended Eduardo's dance career and yet, saved an American personality from the glue factory. In spite of his horrible loss, Eduardo decided that the show must go on! And boy did it. I bet it never occured to you, that hidden behind that barn door, the brave pony stood on four wooden legs! He never lost his sense of humor or gift for gab. Now I ask you: is this a horrible tragedy or a great gift from the hand of fate?