Grief is a natural response to loss. It may involve the loss of a loved one, miscarriage, a pet, job or way of life. Infertility and separation from friends and family may also be triggers for grief. It is normal and should not be mistaken as a disorder or illness.
It is important to stress that there is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. Whilst it is a difficult topic to talk about, everyone will experience it during their lifetime. It can leave you feeling sad, angry, shocked, overwhelmed, isolated, irritable, regretful or even completely numb.
There is no set pattern to grief and people experience it differently. Quite often, there are cultural and circumstantial factors that affect how people express and cope with grief.
The death of a loved one creates many rippling changes for surviving family members. There can be changes to relationships, routines, responsibilities, employment and finances, and faith and spirituality.
If you or someone you know is experiencing loss, here are a few ways to help you feel less overwhelmed and more in control.
If you or someone you know is experiencing loss, here are a few ways to help you feel less overwhelmed and more in control.
1. Allow Yourself To Grieve
Loss impacts everyone differently so it is crucial that you allow yourself to experience the pain of loss. No one can tell you how you feel so grieve your own way and people can often feel guilty about the way they feel. Shock, anger, numbness, and loneliness are emotions that you may experience in the coming days, weeks and months. Therefore, if you feel the need to cry or scream, do so.
Grief can affect your thinking and ability to concentrate or make decisions. It is normal for your sleep pattern to be disrupted and for you to question your faith or beliefs as you process the loss.
Find a balance between being alone and spending time with family as both are important as part of the healing process.
Similarly, work towards getting back to your normal routine whether this is work and social activities. Do things that you enjoy even if at the time, you do not feel like doing them. Self-care is extremely important.
At the same time, it is healthy to take a break from grieving. Engaging in pleasant activities and interactions with support family members and friends allow you to find a way to be in a world without the person, pet, or way of life that you have lost.
If you are a concerned family member or friend, acknowledge the situation and let them know that you care. The best way to do this is by being genuine and honest. For example, “I’m not sure what to do or say, but I want you to know I am here for you.”
Invite them to brunches, lunches, dinner gatherings and other social events that he/she used to attend but give them the option to decline.
When you are with him/her, discuss everyday life so that your conversations do not always focus on their grief and loss. Similarly, accept that silence is helpful and offer support without making judgements. Essentially, keep supporting them.
2. Accept That The Healing Process Will Take Time
Mourning loss is an active working process and it should not be rushed or avoided. Rather, let it unfold at a pace that feels natural to you. Some people find ways to cope quicker than others and that’s ok. You do you.
Some people find it helpful to write a journal on how they feel. Over time, they are able to observe the changes in their grief and this visual representation may assist how they perceive the present.
3. Do Not Neglect Physical Exercise
Organising a last-minute funeral can be both physically and emotionally draining. Grief can take a physical toll on your body and this is when adequate rest, a nutritional diet, and regular exercise should not be skipped.
Exercise can provide a source of distraction for a brief period of time. The release of feel-good hormones may help alleviate feelings of loss and sadness. A simple walk around the block may be enough to boost your energy and getting fresh air may prevent the temptation to completely isolate yourself. Sometimes, short bursts of intense physical exercise may help release frustration or anger.
If you are a concerned family member or friend, offer to go for a walk or yoga session with them as a way to encourage them to take care of their physical needs. If you can build physical exercise into a routine, this will give them both structure and maintain a sense of normalcy. A few home-cooked meals can also help in the early stages to ensure that they are receiving nutritional intake.
4. Let Others In And Seek Professional Help
Most people receive support from family and friends after a loss. Sometimes people do not have this support around them or they may feel uncomfortable opening up to those close around them. If you are finding it particularly hard to overcome feelings of grief, speaking about it with a professional counsellor, such as those at New Vision
Psychology, can help. Advice, support and strategies can be provided to assist with the grieving process, such as overcoming guilt, regret, difficulty with sleeping.
It may be a good idea to get advice before returning to work. If you have taken substantial time off work, consider seeking the advice of a careers counsellor or recruiter. If returning to your workplace, consult with HR to discuss the best ways to rejoin the team.
Grief and depression are quite different but both can lead to feelings of intense sadness, insomnia, poor appetite and weight loss. Prolonged periods of grief develop into depression and active therapy techniques to overcome these mental health issues may be necessary, especially if you feel unable to work or complete daily activities six months after your loss.
5. Remember The Positives
It is helpful to acknowledge the good times had with the person who passed away. Ways to honour their memory may include a memory box, a photo album, or putting up a special photo of you and them together in your house. This can be a positive reminder of their presence in your life, and make you thankful for your memories together rather than primarily being sad about their passing.
Similarly, developing new interests and learning new skills can bring positive changes to your life. Allow yourself to feel proud of new accomplishments and never feel guilty or disloyal when you enjoy something in life.
As a family member or friend, acknowledge that people cope with loss differently. Be aware that there will be lifestyle changes and advise the individual to take time when making any major decisions (e.g., selling the house, moving across the country, changing jobs etc.). Similarly, off to share in new responsibilities and source legal or financial expert to help handle financial and legal matters.
