FROM INSIDE من جوه
What if unordinary changes happened to your soul when you use your senses to express your feelings? Would it make difference if your eyes were closed and you are hearing, smelling, tasting & touching and let all what you feel comes out on a painting board? I say YES ! It made a huge difference to me, because that was the idea of my first exhibition as a Fine Artist. I named it “MN GOWA” which means “FROM INSIDE”.
I will share with you this great experience that I had lately which made me connect with my inner self. It began with a course called Art Of Seeing I took with Mohamed Ismail - Founder & Art director at Art of Seeing Center - who trained me in 2 weeks on how to connect with my senses & how to be aware of them without using my vision sense. The training included some precautions that was important to enhance the sensitivity of each sense such as: eating certain kind of food, wearing the same clothes & never use any kind of cosmotics or perfume. Although Mohamed was a tough teacher, but the activities he made in his workshop was very exciting & amusing. By meditation activities & exploring my hearing, smelling, tasting & touching senses I saw a huge space inside me. Space were I felt free from any obstacles. I found out a new ways to see myself & new vibes to speak out loud. When I finished the course & saw my final painting, I was trully amazed! How did I do this without seeing it? And how would my senses be such senstive to my unconscious to express what I really want.
Mixed media on wood
A voice came out from my heart “I want to speek again, that’s not enough for me, I have a lot of thoughs & feelings to say it loud”. My mind didn’t let me sleep, I started to imagin the paintings what will look like? What materials I am going to use? What will I say in each painting? until I ended up with a decision “I AM GOING TO MAKE MY FIRST EXHIBITION”. I talked to M.Ismail about my thoughts & he encouraged me to begin at once & adviseded me not to set a time for the exihibtion. He said “Just express yourself Heba & have fun!” He gave me a room in Art OF Seeing Center to work in & I started to collect my working stuff.
I collected different kind of materials such as glass, paper, cardboard, metal, plastic, textiles, wood, and electronics. Actually I found out that I collect things that I don’t really need & usually people throw it in trash. My other tools were white glew, brushes & as painters use canvas for their paintings, I used wood boards with 3 mm thickness & 60×50 cm area. It was larger than the one I used in the course because I wanted more space to express myself. I also used an open frame to present each painting colored with 50% gray.
I used to see things, to evaluate, to judge. My eyes are the main source of what I feel, think or act. Off course I use the other senses, but still the vision sense is the hero of what gets into my mind & what comes out. Mohamed forced me to close my eyes & smell / tast food & take a time to feel its teaxture inside my mouth. I touched different kind of materials without seeing them, just feeling the differences between each one & leave my unconcious decide which one to choose & which one to stick on the woodboard. I even poured colors on the those marerials by visualizing the color not seeing it. At the beginning it was hard not to see what I eat, smell or touch, but after a while my feelings started to move with my other senses, specially the touching sense. In my room when I closed my eyes & started to touch things, I felt that each texture has its own feelings, it tells you different things. If I am talking to someone close to me, my fingers takes me automatically to a smooth, delicate textile. On the contrary if I had problems with comunicating with someone, my feeling takes me to touch the tough, rigid materials - such as wood, metal or stone. The same process happends in the coloring stage, I feel that I want to express joy I choose yellow or orange & if I feel relaxed I choose blue or green. It mostly depends on what my unconscious wants to reveal not what my mind should say. Like a child - who plays with colors & materials - he/she don’t think if this color looks good or bad, people will like it or not - they are just having fun & expressing what they feel in that moment.
So I will leave you to look inside me :)
All the previous paintings are 60×50 cm without the frame.
Enjoy the details :)
The idea was to close my eyes & touch the materials then choose from them what expresses what I feel at that moment. Then I sit infront of the wood board & touch it to imagin my working space. After that I touch again the materials that I have chosen, I sit still watching my thoughts & feelings then when I am ready, I start to stick the materials with the white glew on the wood.
Then I pour white on all the board & spread it with my fingers until I feel that all the board was coverd with it. I leave the board to dry until all the materials are sticked together with the wood. The process was a little bit different with colors, because I mixed the colors with my eyes opened, then I collect them in glass jars & sittled them beside me. Again I close my eyes, touch the board with my fingers, sit still, feel the ups & downs on the board made by the materials sticked on it - then when I am ready - I begin to pour colors on the board. The stage of coloring took much more time than the material stage, Actually it took me three times doing the process of coloring until I felt that I have finished.
And here are the stages :)
Thanks to my family who shared me this experience from the beginning.
And to all my friends who came to see me from inside.
Special thanks to Mohamed Ismail & all who works in Art Of Seeing Center for all their effort to make this event more than I imagined.
Thanks For Watching