Many people, myself included, suffer from social anxiety.
Often people with these conditions are laughed at and described as weak. But depression, anxiety and panic attacks are not signs of weakness! They are signs of trying to remain strong for far too long.
Often, ignorance and a lack of understanding lead to loneliness and prevent those affected from acting in social situations. A visit to the movies, sitting in a coffee shop, shopping... everyday things become a major challenge: palpitations, nausea, dizziness, being scared stiff, perceptual disorders and total loss of body control.
Most people do not understand how much more difficult life becomes and that a well-meaning “head up” or “think positive” is not enough and that anxiety does not necessarily diminish if you are aware of its irrationality.
So you walk away from social situations more and more. No parties, no gatherings with friends or family, no dating.
Silence, emptiness and loneliness become your constant and only companions.
You find yourself in a self-induced state where you can’t act no more. You've built yourself a prison to make you feel free. A prison with only one prisoner. A place of safety where the water is up to your neck. A deep hole without light, so you don’t have to close your eyes to what was once your life. A shelter where you dream of a better world of which you don’t want to be a part anymore. You’re looking for attention while hiding in the shadows; looking for love which you don’t seem to deserve; looking for understanding without being known. You want to communicate but you cannot speak. You want to share your life without revealing anything. You want to scream but you’re afraid of the echo. You are floating weightless but you can feel the fall.