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    What a lack of sleep and large amounts of music can do to a young man in the state of New York.
12:56 AM 1/27/07I am confounded. I had to look up the word confounded just to doublecheck that I actually am confounded. I am currently on a steady diet ofhipster dance music, especially remixes. Yet, I don’t want to be ahipster, or I think I don’t want to at this moment. But I think I amturning into a hipster kinda like that 80’s rock/pop/electronic? groupwas turning Japanese. I also didn’t mention, I am consuming all of thisdance music and my ass can’t really dance. I kinda two step and sway. Iam not stiff, just awkward, a result of my lack of social interactionfor part of my teens: The part of your teens where u actually use yourbody in a dancing manner. I say I'm awkward just because I'm so selfconscious at times but…where the fuck am I going?
OK I guess that just goes to show you I am confounded. I likepeppering my writing with words like confound just to change up theflow. Confound is a good word because it shows you have moderateintelligence, enough that you use a word other than confused to tellthe world that you are in fact, confused. That is true with many otherwords and at some point I hope to master this skill, if you would callit that.

I came up with a song idea tonight due to my emotions. It hasan emo-rock-like long title that will draw attention simply because itgoes against the grain of popular culture’s ideas about how long a songtitle should be. The title is “Fucking Tired of This Hipster Shit”.That is tentative, don’t hold me to it, I reserve the right topolitically correct it and buckle beneath the pressure of “The Man” atthe record label if I do in fact ever sign to one.The song will feature such chant-a-long lines as “If you rockin’size 13’s, better give them shits up!” which will be repeated atparticular points in the song. I guess I'm inspired by sing a long,standard dance/club, hip hop influenced remix songs, like the one’s I'mlistening to while writing this. “If you rockin' size…” means I'm robbinga hipster and taking his ridiculously priced sneakers that are not soridiculous once you realize that if I had the money I would be buyingthem too. I believe they call that irony. Oh, I'm catching on with thesebig words. The whole song will be kinda tongue and cheek and yetintrospective. It will be both because I'm not taking myself seriouslybut I am letting the world know I have insecurities and a desire to insome way be a part of this group. I say I lack the money for theseshoes at a time when my wallet looks like it could stop a bullet. Imliterally holding on to $1200 and I guess I just think their are moreimportant things for me to buy at the moment besides designer sneakers.The more important things were apparently a wireless router and aSlingbox so I can watch t.v. on my laptop. Speaking of laptop I used toalways think it was labtop but whatever.
I am also at odds with myself at times because I would like to dressthe way I truly want to but being a full time hipster is exhausting.Because of this predicament I wear the fashionable butnot-as-up-to-date-as-I-would-like stuff. I do this because my moneyflow is not limitless and it still seems like I'm allergic to getting ajob, plus the pollen seems to be out in full force at the moment. I'msure “true” hipsters hate the word hipster because they think they aretoo hip to be called a hipster. Or perhaps, they are so far ahead ofthe curve that they actually laugh at themselves because thats what themasses will find cool 6-12 months from now. Wow, that was deep.To sum it up or something, I despise the readers of URB as well asthe people in the pages, all the while, a URB magazine stares at mefrom 2 feet away on my bed and my earphones blast at high decibels, themusic talked about in URB. I want to be so hip that I despise myselffor being so hip. I want to have the music before the artist strums hisguitar, flicks a knob or clicks a mouse. I want the news of thehelicopter explosion before the Iraqi “insurgents” blow it out of thesky. And I want my expensive kicks to be played out before the thirdworld hands stitch them together. I keep coming with that deep shit, I'mso hip. Geez JKyour a poet and you didn’t even know it. Geez, your talking to yourselfin third person and referring to your nickname at the same time!Johnathan your so fucking hip! The crowd roars in approval but I tellthem to shut up because im too hip for that. OK, I went too far, thegimmicks wearing off.OK, what is the point im trying to make? No point really. I justwrite and whatever comes out, comes out. These are just my honestfeelings. “Only a hip person would say that”.