Forgive something that happened when you were not even there, that doesn’t matter anymore. The why, the how, the who and the when are not relevant anymore. It's only hurting you if you don’t let go. Please, it's no good. Don’t get stuck in denial, forgive yourself as well because His love has made a difference. God has already given you a new life and it's yours to embrace it.
2 Corinthians 4:18
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
Psalm 139: 9-14
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.