my personal engagement with stammering. Reading the back of each booklet will provide further insight into its initial abstract interior. The main purpose of the booklets is to shine a light on the inner workings of a stammerer’s mind — the frantic last-minute word changes as well as the inner monologue that is determined to get the words out, and the situations it will avoid in order to feel safe.
In that moment of panic, I consider giving a fake name — which is the usual Starbucks solution — yet that is not possible all the time. Being choked up in that moment seems to last forever, suspended amongst my attempts at spitting those harsh C sounds out. The ensuing panic is made only worse by the other person questioning if I am still there, or if I am messing with them. This particular memory is based upon a time when a bank phone clerk did not believe I was the holder of my own account, and rejected my request for security reasons as I had stammered so badly.'