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How to Resolve Parental Differences?
Differences in the parenting style are one of the main causes of tension between the partners due to many reasons. For instance, your child may want to ride on the cars, but if you refuse and your partner agrees to take the child out, the problems start to emerge. This means that even if you and your partner have the same set of beliefs; chances are you may disagree or fight with each other over the right way of raising the children. Therefore, it is more than pertinent to consult a specialist or go through the following tips to know the probable causes of argumentation among the spouses in order to resolve it as well.
Rules: if you have heard the analogy of a good and bad cop, you probably know the consequences of it as well. In simple words, it implies that one of the parents acts as the tough guy responsible for implementing the rules in the house, while the other one is the lenient one who would attempt to make up for the strictness of the other partner. Though it works in some of the households, however, it does not mean this can be applied on all kinds of children. For instance, the tough one parent who insists on applying rules may feel isolated or less attached to the children if the lenient parent struggles to bond the family or if there are additional problems.
Get on Board: This may sound obvious to you, however, when it comes to the way children are brought up, one of the parents may forget about it or may need to be reminded that before you bring the children into the world, it is important to get consensus on the way both the partners deem fit to raise the children. Similarly, it is good to discuss the areas of difference or contention and try to fix it. For example, if you cannot seem to agree on the certain aspect, you can agree to disagree in order to address the issues later on.
Complaints: Though it is natural for the children to complain about the rules or anything they don’t want to do, however, if one of the parents starts to give more weight to the complaints, it can add to the complications. For instance, rather than talking to the partner, you may be creating an unhealthy imbalance. Similarly, if the children refuse to complete the homework and you let them get away with it, the other partner who is strict may look bad in the eyes of the children. This is not to say that it is wrong to empathize with the child or to understand their side of the story, however, if you continue to do that, it may cultivate negative emotions in the minds of children.
Food: Children mostly prefer to have fast food over healthy options. But if you want the children to have a healthy diet, you may have to sort the issue out first with your partner rather than the children because if you and your partner are not on the same page, children will not be able to change the habits. Therefore, if you want your children to adopt good habits, it is best to formulate one parenting strategy with your partner and stick with it. For example, a weekly diet plan can be made to balance the unhealthy food options with the healthy ones.
Family Time: Despite the differences and arguments, if you have the habit of arranging the family time with the children, you are likely to get various opportunities to get past those. The main idea is to spend quality time with each other in order to relax and strengthen the family bond. This does not mean that you will not have the difference of opinion with each other, but if you make the bond strong enough, it would give the room to get over the problems or to mend them.
Studies: The performance of children in studies is another common cause of concern. If you follow the traditional style of parenting, you will tend to become overly worried or if the child is not doing well. Most of the parents believe that if children struggle to do well in studies, they will not be able to succeed in the life. Though it is true to an extent, however, it is not always true. Moreover, the factor of teaching style is often overlooked. For instance, in many cases, it has been observed that not all children can learn well from the traditional methods of teaching. Therefore, the parent should pay attention to the child rather than jumping to conclusions.
Recreational Activities: Parents expect the children to balance their studies with recreational activities; however, not all children are good at it. This means that the role of parents becomes more imperative when it comes to guiding the children and helping them balance different aspects of life. For instance, you can provide them transportation and a calm environment to complete the homework along with managing the recreational activities. Moreover, if one of the parents is busy with work, the other is supposed to handle the things in addition to making things easy for the children.
Coordination: The sense of coordination is what makes any family and team a success and if you and your partner are having difficulty, maybe you should consult an expert to help you with it. For instance, if you cannot pick the children from school, you will have to work on the alternative mechanism to arrange the pick and drop of the children. Likewise, the children may have to go to a friend’s house to complete group assignment and if you are not managing the logistics, the problems in the family are bound to increase. However, if you want to get through this phase smoothly, it is best that you and your partner improve the coordination skills.
In short, it is okay to have a difference over issues, especially when it comes to the upbringing of the children, but if you have resolved the issues, the parenting will get easy. Furthermore, if you still struggle with it, you can consult an expert to fix the issues.