For over 30 years in Maryland, Dr. Uzi Ben-Ami has been counseling patients, including children, families, couples, and groups. Additionally, he provides psychological assessments. One particular area that Dr. Uzi Ben-Ami practices in is parenting.
Every kid will experience some type of behavioral issue growing up. As a parent, it is sometimes challenging to deal with these behaviors, especially if they are recurring and disruptive. The following general and also specific tips may help manage the outcome of interventions.
First, you know that prevention is the best strategy. Preventing disruptive behavior involves being a good model yourself, talking quietly with the child AFTER the crisis is over and avoiding a verbal escalation or fight while the crisis is going on. The best time to discuss is usually when you put the child to bed. Developing motivation to change behavior requires the child's cooperation in understanding their needs, then working together to fulfill those needs. Usually, disruptive kids suffer from a lack of sufficient attention and they crave attention, expression of love and personal success. Helping develop skills will help becoming successful but the biggest challenge is to spend the necessary time with the child in a loving, fun or constructive work or study. Don't assume the child is lazy, assume the child needs help learning "how to"; how to assert themselves appropriately, how to make friends, how to negotiate and how to manage one's emotions. Doing projects together, such as the classic 'baking of cookies' together will help the relationship and will allow a friendly atmosphere in which you may be able to teach the child how to get organize, plan, read and follow instructions, how to manage time, etc.
Another tip is to remain calm and friendly when giving instructions. Avoid yelling. A better alternative is to plan and schedule in the evening, and when needed go directly to your child and while close by and looking at them calmly give them slow and patient instructions. Give the child a smile and a hug before you turn away. Children perceive a raised voice as critical and as 'shouting'. An additional tip, if you know what triggers your child's bad mood, plan to intervene to prevent or avoid the situation while remaining supportive, not angry or impatient. A classical example you probably know, if your child gets hungry or tired around a certain time but you still have errands to run, think of a healthy snack to bring with you when you pick-up your child, so it 'holds your child together' until you get home. Avoid last minute unplanned requests to help, and accept and understand strong emotional reaction to last minute change of schedule. Children in general and teens and preteens in particular usually have not yet developed good self-control and will respond much better to a plan and schedule that was explained to them in advance. Good luck.
Every kid will experience some type of behavioral issue growing up. As a parent, it is sometimes challenging to deal with these behaviors, especially if they are recurring and disruptive. The following general and also specific tips may help manage the outcome of interventions.
First, you know that prevention is the best strategy. Preventing disruptive behavior involves being a good model yourself, talking quietly with the child AFTER the crisis is over and avoiding a verbal escalation or fight while the crisis is going on. The best time to discuss is usually when you put the child to bed. Developing motivation to change behavior requires the child's cooperation in understanding their needs, then working together to fulfill those needs. Usually, disruptive kids suffer from a lack of sufficient attention and they crave attention, expression of love and personal success. Helping develop skills will help becoming successful but the biggest challenge is to spend the necessary time with the child in a loving, fun or constructive work or study. Don't assume the child is lazy, assume the child needs help learning "how to"; how to assert themselves appropriately, how to make friends, how to negotiate and how to manage one's emotions. Doing projects together, such as the classic 'baking of cookies' together will help the relationship and will allow a friendly atmosphere in which you may be able to teach the child how to get organize, plan, read and follow instructions, how to manage time, etc.
Another tip is to remain calm and friendly when giving instructions. Avoid yelling. A better alternative is to plan and schedule in the evening, and when needed go directly to your child and while close by and looking at them calmly give them slow and patient instructions. Give the child a smile and a hug before you turn away. Children perceive a raised voice as critical and as 'shouting'. An additional tip, if you know what triggers your child's bad mood, plan to intervene to prevent or avoid the situation while remaining supportive, not angry or impatient. A classical example you probably know, if your child gets hungry or tired around a certain time but you still have errands to run, think of a healthy snack to bring with you when you pick-up your child, so it 'holds your child together' until you get home. Avoid last minute unplanned requests to help, and accept and understand strong emotional reaction to last minute change of schedule. Children in general and teens and preteens in particular usually have not yet developed good self-control and will respond much better to a plan and schedule that was explained to them in advance. Good luck.
