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The Most Intimate Hideaways
Since 2012 I ́ve been working with the body of work “The Most Intimate Hideaways ”.
I work with analogue large format camera and in black&white.
In this serie of pictures I influence the exposure process through hands-on behaviour, like hitting the body of the camera or kicking the tripod. This is, in fact, to reconstruct a state of mind during a rough situation in a violent relationship I experienced in the past.
My body of work, “The Most Intimate Hideaways” consists of two parts. One is the photographs which picture the imaginary hidden places my mind escaped to. The second part is poems which describe the struggle between escaping and subjection with stagnation as a result.  

Domestic violence is not only a personal question, it is highly a social issue and as I feel, it ́s extremely important to enlighten other women's experiences from this kind of trauma.  
In the beginning
there was a consuming
passion
it propagated
between the relation
and these two
in the classic way
there were several
 
and one of these
was amazed
and stepped aside
 
and one of these
drew borders
and drew
 
and drew again
shame on you
and it grew
everywhere
it consumed
the oxygen
 
and one of these
in dyspnea
but taught
the body
carbon dioxide
that’s true
 
and one of these took
and was the one to give
 
until one day
 
one of these
sprang a leak
and the other
stubbornly resisted 
Undoubtedly, I sink into
where something encloses
 
but that’s later
 
first tiny constituents
dry, naturally
 
a dry spread becomes
a creeping
heavy mass
it breathes
 
barely
 
BANG!
 
All my fears
spread like oil on water
 
In anger I’m triggered off
don’t think it ends here
 
Only anointed rings
where I’ve swam
 
reveal
 
that evenings of breast-strokes
don’t give webbed feet; apparently
 
but water
the constant silencer
 
b-a-n-g
 
b-a-n-g
 
 
 
Fall frequency
 
Well-trodden paths in the orchard
Impermeable
become deep furrows
 
An autumnal nightmare
 
A burning transgression
Humpty – Dumpty
 
The fruit trees
divinely lit
 
to grant me permission
 
The loaded particles
electron protons
hissing in the rain
 
they hang heavily
forbidding fruits to fall
 
Gradually gravity asserts itself
in a cold sweat
and the probability
to decipher sign of maturing
 
I rage
I dig
listening for sounds of falls
 
then I contemplate
fall marks and burn marks
carefully considering
hand cupped
 
Juices leaking
Noticed by no one
I still have a strong suspicion
 
Without hesitation
resolutely biting out
the cores
 
Muffled thuds are heard
 
 
 
 
Beneath the trees, a life
 
Then I gather the cover off the ground
it can be done
 
they give consent
under alleviating circumstances
electron protons
 
One
by
One
like microscopic orphans
 
Those marked by their fall with round smudgy spots
are tapped for their juice
 
this is how to avoid the rot
 
those marked by their burns
The embers ever present
 
They
are wrapped in newspapers
They
are carefully placed to
ensure contact
not allowed
Decadence
 
Thus I squeeze fruit
between my palms
 
With a perspective on myself
I expect suitable temperature
 
Freely
I indulge myself in
 
Compote of fruits with jellylike seals
stuffed pies
dripping custards
 
the wall-to-wall carpet
with stains of calvados
where crumbs mix with imprints
of heels
 
Wine-Poached Fruit Halves with Sabayone
Spiced with saffron
 
Underneath the chandelier
precarious balance of laughs
 
Never cutlery in the dark
 
Thus I tear off the bark
drain the ground surrounding
to seldom risk
 
Wetland
secrets I keep to myself
 
A beautiful indication of illness 
Anafylaxis
 
Through subcutis
undoubtedly rises
a shoot
 
Condensed itching
under my nails
 
I weed the saplings
ruthlessly
not that it helps
 
I cleave roots
into small particles
force them into the Herbarium
by a gravity of my own
 
Thus I lubricate the soil
pour adrenalin into my veins
just to be sure
 
You
Usurpator
Sharp deduction

Then I beat
the odds
to let me in

Naturally the door is closed

I kick it in
into shreds
to make completely sure

Freedom

I see

It seeps through the crack of the door

I need to cover that crack
the only way I can

So I prise open the jaws
and spit the kernels in

The Most Intimate Hideaways
15
422
0
Published:
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Patricia Rodas

The Most Intimate Hideaways

on going project
15
422
0
Published:

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