No. 1 - Portrait: 'Self-portrait'
'He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.'
With this shot I was trying to capture the inner turmoil that anxiety and depression can bring. Some people describe this as a 'fight or flight' reaction, my personal experience of it is unpredictable and terrifying. Because of this I sometimes 'strike out' in fear, and then persecute myself with feelings of self-loathing and guilt. It is all-encompassing, exhausting and wholly debilitating. Captured with a Sony a6000 camera body and a Sony/Zeiss Vario-Tessar T* E 16-70mm F4 ZA OSS lens (ISO100, @35mm, F11, 2.5sec). #dogwoodchallenge #portrait #monochrome #sonyalpha #a6000 #anxiety #depression #ocd #sad
No. 2 - Landscape: 'Traditional Landscape'
'Madness will never abolish.'
This shot was taken in Gruson, France during the Paris-Roubaix cycling race. I hold 'l'enfer du Nord' in state of deranged fascination. To ride the cobbles with scarce control knowing that the only option is to go as fast as you maniacally dare. You bear sanctuary in self, the lonely abode of the known, and yet strength alone holds no guarantee, and while your mind may be free, your body succumbs to the Arenberg. 'Un coup de dés jamais n’abolira le hasard.' Captured with a Sony a6000 camera body and a Sony/Zeiss Vario-Tessar T* E 16-70mm F4 ZA OSS lens (ISO100, @70mm, F9, 1/640sec). #dogwoodchallenge #landscape #monochrome #sonyalpha #a6000 #anxiety #depression #ocd #sad
No. 3 - Artistic: 'Red'
'But his soul was mad. Being alone in the wilderness, it had looked within itself and, by heavens I tell you, it had gone mad.'
Colour has a power to evoke powerful thoughts, feelings and emotions. Anger may be what people experience when in close contact with someone struggling with mental health conditions, but is it malicious? Living in a perpetual state of heightened anxiety, is it any wonder that we inevitably reach the point of explosion, a split second flash, or an outburst of emotion. Isolation then, is a means of self-preservation, and yet with no meaningful human contact, the soul itself becomes truly mad. Captured with a Sony a6000 camera body and a Sony/Zeiss Vario-Tessar T* E 16-70mm F4 ZA OSS lens (ISO500, @51mm, F11, 1/80sec). #dogwoodchallenge #artistic #red #sonyalpha #a6000 #anxiety #depression #ocd #sad
No. 4 - Portrait: 'Headshot'
'...and Heaven have mercy on us all - Presbyterians and Pagans alike - for we are all somehow dreadfully cracked about the head, and sadly need mending.'
'Steve', adopted when young grew up as many children 'in care' do, in with the 'wrong' sorts. He was injured when a car his friends had stolen crashed. Leaving him in a coma, when he awoke his life had changed forever. Living on the streets his body is numbed by the elements and he appears immune to physical pain. He gazes into the middle distance, struggling to pick out the fragile memories of youth. Like others of this forgotten generation, he exists in the shadows, present yet ever invisible. Captured with a Sony a6000 camera body and a Sony/Zeiss Vario-Tessar T* E 16-70mm F4 ZA OSS lens (ISO800, @20mm, F5.6, 1/60sec). #dogwoodchallenge #portrait #monochrome #sonyalpha #a6000 #anxiety #depression #ocd #sad
No. 5 - Landscape: 'Black and White'
'...And I just hope that you can forgive us
But everything must go
And if you need an explanation
Then everything must go...'
But everything must go
And if you need an explanation
Then everything must go...'
Suicide, the numbing of all senses. What we are, should we hold fast, or should we burn like those before? Is it a desire to die, or simply to silence the endless noise, a cycle of torture? Rest, recoup, a gathering of strength? But without control, choice appears limited, it brings consciousness to a crossroads of pain and despair...the inevitability of the 09:03 from Edinburgh. Captured with a Sony a6000 camera body and a Sony/Zeiss Vario-Tessar T* E 16-70mm F4 ZA OSS lens (ISO100, @17mm, F4.0, 1/640sec). #dogwoodchallenge #landscape #monochrome #sonyalpha #a6000 #anxiety #depression #ocd #sad
No. 6 - Artistic: 'Candy'
'You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.'
'You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes...'
Venlafaxine Hydrochloride, or C17H27NO2 is a Serotonin Noradrenaline Reuptake Inhibitor. Perhaps without this, I may not be alive today. I felt failure when I first went to the GP. I am a man, I should be able to deal with this. After a very dark period where it became obvious that there was no alternative, I took the medication. The clarity of mind I finally experienced helped me to realise that, for so long I had been trapped within a metaphysical prison, simply an observer of the chaos I called life, with no real element of control...Captured with a Sony a6000 camera body and a Sony/Zeiss Vario-Tessar T* E 16-70mm F4 ZA OSS lens (ISO1250, @23mm, F4.0, 1/25sec). #dogwoodchallenge #artistic #californiarocketfuel #sonyalpha #a6000 #anxiety #depression #ocd #sad
No. 7 - Portrait: ‘Faceless'
‘…Now I think I know what you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity,
and how you tried to set them free
They would not listen - they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will…’
The street painter, existing in a tangent of artistic appreciation and the elements. Vincent van Gogh, after a life of inner turmoil arrived at his personal 'eternity’s gate'. An artistic visionary, yet troubled in balancing his creativity with the harsh reality of everyday existence. ‘I put my heart and soul into my work, and I have lost my mind in the process.’ With incredulity we hold this legacy with reverence, impassive and without complete acknowledgement to the cost of his tortured soul. Captured with a Sony a6000 camera body and a Sony FE 70-200mm F4 G OSS lens (ISO100, @200mm, F4.0, 1/2500sec). #dogwoodchallenge #portrait #monochrome #sonyalpha #a6000 #anxiety #depression #ocd #sad
No. 8 - Landscape: ‘Wide-Angle/Panorama’
‘…Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you...’
Social isolation, a necessary evil? Self-awareness, be it hyper or hypo-sensitive is no comfort. There is no litmus test for reality, social constructs and the nuances that accompany them are sentimental at their best and illogical at their worst. We put up the defences to protect ourself, sometimes from our own irreverent self, yet banished to a solitary confinement what alternative is there but madness? Beyond the horizon there appears a flash of colour, a vivid shade of green. A vista of another life, visible from within our prison, but beyond our capacity to experience. Captured with a Sony a6000 camera body and a Sony/Zeiss Vario-Tessar T* E 16-70mm F4 ZA OSS lens (ISO100, @17mm, F6.3, 1/160sec). #dogwoodchallenge #landscape #panorama #sonyalpha #a6000 #anxiety #depression #ocd #sad
