Landscape Photography of the Year 2020
(One year / 13,833 Miles / This Is What Remains)
Remember Me As A Time Of Day (Explosions in the Sky)
Blicke niemals zurück auf die, die still und ohne große Worte aus Deinem Leben verschwunden sind. Die, die vorgaben Abschied zu nehmen ohne verstanden zu haben, was Abschied bedeutet; noch dass ihnen nun etwas gefehlt hätte. Vergiss ihre Namen; und das, was sie einmal waren oder zu sein schienen. Doch kämpfe stets für jene, bei denen Du bei jedem Abschied - sei er nun für Stunden, Tage oder Jahre - das Gefühl hast heute weniger geworden zu sein. Jene wenigen, deren Namen selbst Sehnsucht und Erinnerung sind, und immer sein werden.
[2020/10/04]
Since a few years, I use to write a little review of the past year. Not only that I like to find out what actually remains, but also because this seems a possibility to share at least something of this life. One thing about loneliness which hits me the most is the impossibility to ever realize how things really went down, and that there will never be a way to change something. Not about the past, and not about the future. I guess 2020 was the loneliest year of my life, but maybe due to corona for many of us. Frankly, it hadn't much to do with it, the previous years have been similar. Looking back, I remember at most driving through the night at different places and countries. Speeding occasionally, always on my own, accompanied by nothing but music. I’m thankful for that. Sometimes these certain moments happened when loneliness and lostness got mixed in with high spirits at the same time. If I have ever experienced something great, than this.
Thanks to Biv, Brennan Savage, Explosions in the Sky, whxami, This Will Destroy You, Sin & Vanete, XXI, Nils Frahm, LiL PEEP, Max Richter, The Boxer Rebellion, Avalon and Yndi Halda for accompanying me with their music.
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2020/12/21
Landscape Photography of the Year Collection
This Loneliness Will Be The Death Of Me
January
New Year’s Eve, I stood on a tall, abandoned building just like the year before. I had a view all over the city, thousands of unknown souls below. There was music coming up; but I listened to mine. It was cold, and I was up there way too early but didn’t mind, even while freezing over time. Finally, I witnessed the fireworks all around me, and then went silently through the town back to my accommodation. Already early next morning, I went bicycling, as I did most of the winter. It was again freezing, and misty. During the afternoon, sunlight came through, the frost on the tree-tops by the river flashed up. I remember this. I often wandered around in the cold of January, sitting down at the river, reading books, and feeling lost and lonely, especially the evenings. End of January, I travelled to the city where I once fell in love. I wandered around, stayed the nights in my car, and experienced one of the most vivid moments of my life while driving through the outskirts of the city.
February
I continued my daily routine of sports, post-processing, and wandering around. Also, I did two little trips for the purpose of photography, one of them leading again to the city of my past. Midst of February, I fell apart, anger and heartache, a mind full of feelings and thoughts not to play with. Finally, against all odds, I left in the night for another travel towards the coast.
March
The travel was nice, but I had to come home earlier due to the changes appearing by corona. On the night of my birthday, I was half way home and broke my own record of being awake for finally 43 hours, still driving. No doubt, one of the best car rides of my life. The streets were often as empty as never before, and I was speeding slightly, but for hundreds of kilometres. I remember high spirits the next morning, tuning up the music, talking out loud to the car in front of me like “Let us fly, man”. This is how it could feel, a life on its own.
April
In spring I did a lot of sports, often went onto walks and tours of bicycling. I was also able to photograph the cherry-blossom a little bit, visited a friend of former days and felt lonely a lot.
May
The usual travel plans of May had to be cancelled due to the restrictions. Instead, there was loneliness. I continued sports, visited my aunt & uncle sometimes, and was also in the right mood of writing. I put a lot of effort in that, while listening to great music. All these feelings and the longing - unforgotten. End of May, I left for a short travel. I always had wanted to do this certain one in company, but now did it on my own. At best, I remember again driving through the night. In a silent, dark world. But my car filled up by the very best of music, the beat rushing through my veins and mind while speeding along an empty avenue, surrounded by woods, occasionally coming through a deserted village in no-man’s-land. Never came to perfection any closer.
June, July, and August
Loneliness haunted me down, I don’t remember any evening not feeling like that. I continued my activities, and went ill for a couple of weeks, maybe months. At least, I remember strolls through the summer evenings. The warm light of the patiently setting sun shining through the greenish tree tops. I remember a doctor asking for someone, and I said “It’s been a long time”. I still like these words.
September, October, and early November
I left midst of September for a two-month long trip. I enjoyed it, it felt like home, and I came along quite fine most of the time. I’m more used to spend my life like this, instead of the ‘usual life’. Being homeless, nothing but the own car as haven.
Late November, and December
When I finally came back home, I felt restless instead of lonely. Thus, I did some smaller photo tours to close some gaps I was thinking about since a long time. Then, loneliness caught up on me again, and kind of still is.
Conclusion
Again, I managed to spend at least a hundred days of travel on my own, mainly for the purpose of photography. I haven't felt close, nor spent much time at someone's side. I'm surprised that loneliness actually can be without any longing. I felt this way years ago, and made my way back to it again. The best moments of this year, and life, happened with photography, and driving through days and nights.
Nature and landscape photography,
captured and uploaded this year
Published German writing
