See You in My Nightmares (2019)

See You in My Nightmares is a series of self-portraits inspired by fragile emotional states. The scenes created in these photos are renderings of me at my most dissociative, detached, and depressed, yet they could truly represent anyone.

Mental health has always been a recurring theme in my work, and its looming presence is meant to be felt in this series. Stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, pressures from work or school, relationship issues: these things affect everyone, whether they care to admit it or not. My hope with photos such as the ones I am presenting here is that other people who may also be struggling through life or have struggled in the past can identify with these images and feel a little less alone after seeing them. Throughout my life, it has always helped to know that I have allies in this often overwhelming world.

The series shares its title with a track from Kanye West’s seminal 2008 album 808s & Heartbreak, an album which itself explores themes of isolation, loss, and heartache following the death of West’s mother and a breakup with his long-term girlfriend/fiancé at the time. I chose the title See You in My Nightmares because some of my initial shots contained several pointed and overt references to suicide that were very direct and literal. This scared me and the project was starting to feel like an uncontrollable and frustrating bad dream. However, that got me to thinking about how experiencing instabilities and difficulties with mental health and struggling to stay afloat is a nightmare in itself, and this entire series essentially represents that. They are images from our nightmarish collective unconscious.

Using a mix of natural light and various ambient, non-traditional light sources, along with hints from Philip-Lorca diCorcia’s and Gregory Crewdson’s lighting cues, my photos came to fruition.

Personally, there is something about photography as an outlet that empowers me to share my story in a way no other medium can. Its ability to capture the purest form of something or something at its most raw and vulnerable is freeing, and I feel like it gives me the voice that I’ve always been searching for. With this voice, I want people to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

2019.