"Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable."
- G.K. Chesterton

 

 

 

"I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it."

- Bill Hicks

 

"Cigarettes are a classy way to commit suiside."

- Kurt Vonnegut

 

"Drinking is the soldier's pleasure."

- John Dryden

 

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."

- Robin P. Williams

 

"When you don't hold your pipe with the proper poise, smoking is very hazardous for your image."

- Bauvard

 

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."

- W.C. Fields

 

"It is now proven, beyond a doubt, that smoking is a leading cause of statistics."

- Fletcher Knebel

 

"Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times."

- W. C. Fields

 

"Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar."

- Mark Twain

 

"A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly."

- Winston Churchill

Chris Gall

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
- Oscar Wilde

 

"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."

- W.C. Fields

 

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria."

- Benjamin Franklin

 

"Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life."

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

"Perfection is such a nuisance that I often regret having cured myself of using tobacco."

- Emile Zola

 

"When I read about the evils of drinking I gave up reading."

- Henny Youngman

 

"A cigar has "…a fire at one end and a fool at the other."

- Horace Greely

 

"I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host."

- Dorothy Parker

 

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

- Brooke Shields

 

"First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you."

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

"Drugs are a bet with your mind."

- Jim Morrison

 

"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."

- Mark Twain

 

" There was a young lady named Mae
Who smoked without stopping all day;
As pack followed pack,
Her lungs first turned black,
And eventually rotted away."

- Edward Gorey, Floating Worlds: The Letters of Edward Gorey & Peter F. Neumeyer

 

"My smoking might be bothering you, but it's killing me.

- Anonymous

 

"I drink to make other people more interesting."

- Ernest Hemingway

 

"To smoke or not to smoke: I can make of either a life work."

- Mignon McLaughlin

 

"A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry to a woman."

- E.G. Bulwer Lytton