I'm asking myself the same question over and over again, why do I never publish my newest experimental work and leave them hidden in dark places? The answer is simple and doesn't clear up the first question at the same time: I don't know.
This is a collection of work which was made a few days or months ago. Some of which never should've been published ever. I decided to do the opposite of that (I often tend doing) and release them together to see what kind of feedback they'll receive.
Depending on it I'll decide to do this more or less often, or never again. I've been going through some harsh times within every work, deciding what would be the best choice to work with in the future or to expand upon.
It's quite hard as I've been known for variety and different styles, but if I need a style that can create all kinds of things, things get hard. For using various styles I received less improvement in return, which is very important for me for keep heading forwards.
There were times I would give up myself and just search some other things to build up my future. It went nicely but the latest happenings made me think about completely stopping all work on one day. I've experienced the limits I have, things I can't do.
I am questioning my future of this "career" where I haven't achieved anything so far. So I'm now on the point of no return, deciding between various things and having important decisions.
The first 2 years I've been working was pretty wonderful and I always explored new things, working kept me happy. Keep watching my improvement and seeing me creating something not everyone else could do at that time. After that time it went pretty downhill, I collected the negative happenings and thought about what happened there, I realized I couldn't keep on going and just do what I feel like to have success. Watching others winning or having great news, I never envied anyone. I felt happy for every single one of my friends to achieve something and support them in any possible way. Even undergoing and putting down my own achievements.
For my part, I felt bad, I was keep getting to the point I would've stopped. It always came up from time to time, I hated it. No sign of possible future of me working in a similar or related field. I adored the masters, I still do, the magic they create, the thoughts they are putting in. What would happen if I could do something like that? I couldn't imagine what it would be like to feel being good, I lost that feeling in my 3rd year of working with graphics.
It's more like a job I get nothing for, I lost my complete enjoyment, I spent weeks doing absolutely nothing. Trying to regain my pleasure for it, being more creative, being THE UNKNOWN BEING I called myself. Representing a creative mind that has no limits and nothing to lose.
I lost my mind searching for answers, I got only advice what to do. I felt like all I was doing was tricking myself and fooling me that art was what I was born for. If I was, my career should've went differently, taking higher steps, my work stepping up to places I couldn't believe.
But I didn't stop, I don't know what will happen every next year I keep working, always looking for a reason and the success I was looking for (in my eyes).
This is a huge statement, I want to motivate others to keep trying, even if you're not supposed to do this or that, trick yourself and trick others that you know what you do and CAN do it.