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Bēhance

Once there was wonder (thesis Project)

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  • Once there was wonder

    It's a story about looking at life's commonplace things in a different light and about realizing some certainties that are miracles butwhich we tend to overlook. The book is a visual journey through the eyes of a boy who goes through life's changes and upheavels and who has an epiphany about a certainty that was a miracle.
  • Once there was Wonder
  • What am I?
  • A question that eludes the most avid of philosophers, a simple basic question nonetheless. Little did i know that on my journey down the road, i would face this question more frequently than i can imagine. However, on that fateful day as i floated in a dark gloomy river, this was the first thought that came to my mind.
  • As I was struggling to make sense of things, I saw tiny specks of light floating alongside and then it just hit me, what if I too am a speck just like them and we are all in this together, wanting to find answers floating in this seemingly perpetual river, unsure as to where this might lead us. Though at that moment where the river ended was the least of my problems.
  • Ever had the feeling that you are floating with no direction and no sense of control, maundering without a purpose to your existence trying to find answers to questions you feel will never be answered. It isn't the best feeling in the world and certainly not the one you want to familiarize yourself with. I wished I could talk to these white specks, I could shout out to them or anyone else who could hear me, and just as the silence grew too loud for me, I saw light, dazzling white light. It seemed as if this was where the river ended, for a brief second I though this was it, the end of me...
  • However, It had only just begun.
  • I still vividly remember those early feelings of amazement. It had been a few months since i had been flowing down that endless river, but those few months seemed like ages to me. I often wondered what happened to those other specks of light, were they too wrapped in warm cocoons like I was. The only thing I was certain about was that whoever built this cocoon around me really cared for me, and made it to protect and nurture me.
  • But I was anxious to know what exactly was it protecting me from, and who built it in the first place. I wanted to know what was beyond these walls. Every once in a while I could hear voices from far away, they made little sense, I tried responding at times by moving myself but most of the times it wasn't much use for. I realized no matter how hard i try, i would never be able to communicate with whatever it is on the outside.
  • I spent most of my time speculating what the world outside is like and in those endless moment i felt as if i was growing, stronger and bigger day by day. i kept wishing that i could be able to grow big enough to break out of this cocoon, to meet whatever has been keeping me here, helping me grow and nurturing me. Sometimes, i could actually feel as if someone was touching me. The touch was soft and warm, and it used to fill me with a feeling that words alone cannot explain. And then one day once more it happened.
  • I was out, and i wanted with all my heart & soul to feel that warmth and security again. I had been surrounded by her forever but now i couldn't feel her anywhere. When suddenly i felt constricted again like i needed something, i expelled something violently like water cascading from a waterfall. I felt air for the first time. It was a wonder how this thing filled me from inside and my entire being felt renewed.
  • I felt hands for the first time encased in slippery material that left my skin cold
  • I was passed down from hand to hand, i felt the coarseness, the lightness, the gentle touch and infinite care. I was placed and cleaned and wrapped in softness that was entirely new to me. But through everything my need for her grew and grew, i felt that a part of me was missing. I didn't understand why she left me. The air felt devoid of love, i needed her nurturing, i needed to be safe in her again but i was helpless.
  • In an alien world i had been placed where there had once been constant care, a continuous encasement of one's entity. There was now a multitude of people, some gentle some experienced. I realized the concept of time.
  • There was one particular person who i felt for like i felt for my mother. He was slightly different, his hands were coarsed when he gently kissed me his skin tickles. The more time i passed the more i felt the need to be held by these individuals again and again. It was a happy existence.
  • The whole world was new, my existence was pure
  • Crawling was an independence that was liberating to say the least. But always i felt the need to look higher, go beyond. At last there came a day when all the giants gathered around me and i stood up and put one foot forward then another, i felt as the ground was reaching up to catch me, but i moved on. All around me people were cheering and clapping and i was showered with love and praise even more.
  • Then i finally voiced her name. Tears of joy spilled from her eyes and i was engulfed in a hug so tight it took my breath away. That's where the fun started. Again and again i was called 'Sameer' when finally one day i realized my recognition was by that sound. 
  • Though i was always treated like royalty. Many would come just to hold me in their arms and entertain me endlessly. I joyously waved my arms and laughed. But jesters weren't only my subjects, extremely beautiful women, all clamoured to bow their heads and kiss me. What joy to be in their arms listening to their praises about my beauty, but i wondered about this beauty and what was it about beauty that made so many my subjects.
  • As my learning increased, my parents took me around to a place where other normal sized people like me came. We laughed and cried, played and pooped. I saw others like me yet not like me. Some had hair longer than mine and softer faces. Faces that invited with warmth and playfulness.
  • There was one in particular who i liked to spend my time with rather than any other, her name was ' Kisa'
  • I grew taller and taller like a beanstock. Every day i would run up to my mother trying to see if i was taller. I knew i was old but the giants didn't. My life was going on one adventure to another, my nights were covered in colorful dreams and they made no sense but they made perfect sense. 
  • I grew some more. Now my world revolved around two things alone. My friends, my fun. My mother, my protector turned into a jailor. What had once been longing arms around me now were wanting longing to hold me. I felt that nobody understood me. They were caging me. I didn't understand why they didn't get me. I didn't get them. What harm was there in a little fun.
  • Who had been annoying now turned into objects of art and appreciation. They were so many it was difficult to choose. There was one in particular, hair as black as raven's feather. I could feel it, she was the one at first. I was nervous but as my courage grew so did my want for her. Months went by and bliss was the only emotion i knew. Every waking moment was spent in her thoughts.
  • The one turned into many. Boredom and patience didn't validate anyone to stay for long. Some i made angry, some sad, but i was having too much fun to care. I made my mother cry, it hurt but then i didn't really care. ME was more important. 
  • My wildness continued, my life was good. But i never realized how fragile life could be. I came back from my shenanigans one day , discovered that my mother, my protector had left. I would never see her again, never ever be encased in a hug so tight it would seem that she was trying to take all my heart into herself. I wanted my jailor back, i wanted someone who cared enough about me, to scold me to listen to my tide. 
  • Never ever I felt so lone, I wanted to just stop. I wishedeverything would cease just for sometime. I wanted to see her again, I wantedto scream and curse but I couldn’t move. It was as if there was a little boyinside me lost, trying to find the hand that he had previously held but thatwas no more.

    I never realized she was my centre. No matter what I said,no matter what I did she was always there. There was no reason for her to love,it was boundless. My love for her grew as I felt her slipping away. Was I so selfish? What was I thinking? Darknessengulfed me. Despair overtook the rage and now there was nothing.
  • As the darkness threatened to take over my life, I felt her.I felt all that she was, a wonder that couldn’t be contained. In my moment ofepiphany I had realized that she was the centre, the sun that made everythingshine and brightened up my life. Her love was constant and never ending. Howcould everyone have this amazing miracle in their lives and fail to recognizeit.
  • I felt cocooned with that sense of security again. So muchlove couldn’t end in a moment. Once again I could feel her around me watchingover me, guiding me like when I was a child.