- Wonderful Pistachios
- The following are commercial concepts for Wonderful Pistachios. Private Investigator Stachio is a loose parody of Ironside.
- P.I. Stachio-Groom. Spot opens on a wedding ceremony. The ceremony is in disarray. We cut to P.I Stachio. Wheeling himself up to the proceedings. The bride is crying hysterically.Bride: I can't believe this is happening to me. Stachio:What's going on? Justice of the peace: Well, the groom started walking down the aisle, and he just kept walking. Stachio:(pondering) I see...Stachio wheels his chair to the left. Reveals he has run over an empty pistachio shell. SFX: Crack. Stachio: Runaway grooms can't run forever. Camera pans down underneath Stachio's chair, we see he has run over a pistachio shell, one that is part of a very long and explicit trail of shells. We follow Stachio in a series of quick cuts as he follows this long trail of shells, down steps, over a bridge and into a little park. Camera finds the trail leading to a groom, who is eating from a bag of Wonderful Pistachios in the park. Stachio: Why so speedy loverboy? Groom: I'm not afraid of commitment, I just...I just needed a snack... Super: Wonderful Pistachios. The high-fiber, healthy snack that always leaves a trace.
- P.I. Stachio-Burglar. Spot opens on a crime scene. One of the junior officers is dusting for fingerprints next to a completely empty jewelry box. Jr. Officer: Chief, better call Stachio... Camera pans down next to the jewelry box, we notice 3 pistachio shells that have been left behind as the thief's calling card. P.I. Stachio shows up, surveys the crime scene, and wheels himself up the shells, He picks one up and licks. Stachio: They're still warm. We see P.I. stachio's chair wheel over a shell. SFX: Crack. And the large trail of shells that leads out of the home. Cut to a sequence of Stachio wheeling along the trail of nuts. Stachio wheels into the thieves' hideout. They are all wearing masks and eating from bags of Wonderful Pistachios. Thief: How did you find us? Stachio: Crime never pays, fellas. Other Thief: Yeah, but it sure puts on a good feedbag. Super: Wonderful Pistachios. The high-fiber, healthy snack that always leaves a trace.
- P.I. Stachio-Shell. Spot opens with P.I. Stachio, who's being pushed down the office sidewalk by a beautiful female officer. ala Angie Dickinson. His wheel chair runs over a pistachio shell, revealing a path of shells over the corner. SFX: Crack. Stachio: I need a closer look. Stachios female companion wheels over and through the crowd. The crowd is standing around a man, who's playing a 3-card monty type shell game with wonderful pistachio shells. He's taking everyone's money as no one can figure out how he's performing the trick. Trickster: Who can tell, which one is the right shell? Stachio grabs the trickster's hand, and shakes his wrist, as his secret stash of wonderful pistachios shells is exposed up his sleeve. And he's busted. Stachio: The shell is never quicker than my eye...Super: Wonderful Pistachios. The high-fiber, healthy snack that always leaves a trace.