I want to touch you. Just touch.
You know, I have been crazy this whole week. I have killed many ants for no reason, last two days. It's only because I had nothing to do, I got so bored that I went to my terrace to haunt for ants who always look busy to me. I see them running all the times. Sometimes looking at them makes me wonder if all of these ants are the same ants I saw last time and then last last time and so on and on ? From where these ants come all of a sudden, sometimes carrying huge stuffs on their back, which is bigger than their sizes !
Oh and then ! I got so crazy that I rubbed my fingers on them and rubbed it back again. After some time, I was so surprised to see that devil inside of me. It was very huge and it's eyes were wide and angry. It shakes its head and doesn't agree on anything, not even a single thing. That devil got crazy and put my fingers against little creatures to kill them. Well for no reason at all.
I have been this crazy lately. I wish I wasn't. I observe people around me and they don't have invisible eyes. It looks strange to see them. They look really weird and gives you a feeling an abnormal creature is staring at you. Just starting whole time at you. They sound crazy no? when they stare at me, like that. It's totally insane. Perhaps, its the same devil again. But I really want to bid that devil goodbye in a well manner. I really want to be good. Being good is just being good in the end. You just have to be good but truly from your heart.
oh and my ant story! I was still thinking about it though.
The pleasure I enjoyed has become the moment of sufferings. I wish I was less harmful even when my mind goes crazy. But it also is that, it is uncontrollable and extremely stubborn. And no matter how many times I've realized the same thing before, now and tomorrow, the only thing that will be left is the same thing to realize again. Therefore, I feel like I am not improving at all. I feel paused. I don't know what other people feel because I've misused my time just worrying and complaining. And now, I don't even have time for myself.
Please shave my head and pour down the waterfall of wisdom. I want to be refilled.