- An evolutionary afterthought seemingly created in haste, the gimcrack is a scourge of kitchen pantries the world over. Driven by an insatiable sweet tooth, the gimcrack doesn’t quite slither so much as it awkwardly ambles through unsecured doors and windows. Moving with a sort of creeping resent (perhaps self-aware of the poor taste in which it was crafted), the gimcrack hoists itself up onto kitchens tables, searching the countertops for sugary treats with unabashed enthusiasm. Plagued with poor vision, the gimcrack relies on its keen olfaction to locate its feast, which it fully intends to only “borrow.” Possibly not understanding the pledge it’s making, compensation is never offered and the blame of missing food usually falls to another household occupant while the gimcrack eavesdrops from seclusion. Feeling appropriately guilty and believing awareness of its impropriety is penance enough, the gimcrack remains hidden to avoid implications of theft and to procure the chance to enjoy future confections. In summation, if deserts, candies, or snacks start to disappear inexplicably, be sure to check the cabinets and under the sink; you may be sustaining this harmless guest…tacky and uninvited nonetheless.