United in Isolation, 2020 | No. 26
“Each day, The Boyfriend quietly picks up the letter my 16-year-old daughter places at the door, leaving one for her in return. We were ALL on my balcony the night I took this photo: my daughter, her three siblings, their dad Martin, our au pair, and me. The Boyfriend probably did NOT expect the loud reception we showered down on him. And I am guessing neither did the neighbors.
My daughter began her first romance just before COVID19 became a pandemic. They attend the same school in our German village. They began dating around the time my husband of 17 years moved out of our house, and into an apartment of his own three blocks away. During those first few winter months, my daughter was wrapped up in young love’s bliss while I was wrapped up in dismantling an unhealthy marriage.
Then COVID19 and the orders to isolate happened. My daughter and I found ourselves in relationships best described as “It’s Complicated.”
The Boyfriend can no longer come over, and they can’t meet up for dates, with only limited virtual contact due to parental restrictions. Meanwhile, Martin has to limit his time elsewhere, and be at the house nearly every day to continue being involved with the kids’ lives, and mine. The irony is not lost on any of us: the two who want desperately to be together … can’t be together. And the two who aren’t so sure … MUST be together.
But we’re a family of romantics. We believe love conquers all … but you have to work at it.
So, my daughter and The Boyfriend exchange those letters. She crafted a mailbox, secured so siblings can’t break in. We sometimes sit by the window to watch the Boyfriend try and break into it, too. The kid definitely works at his young love, I can tell you that.
Martin and I are working at it, too. We were addressing some hard truths before the isolation, but now we have to do it more often. Acknowledging moods and triggers. Listening. Being direct when we want or need something from the other. Shrugging off expectations, and accepting who we are right now, and moving on in a positive way when we fail at that. Being intentional with this relationship, and being intentional with the way we unite as a family.
That’s what we were doing on the balcony that night, hanging out and talking. We heard footsteps on the street, and my daughter jumped up to see if it was him. As she leaned over like Juliet looking down at her Romeo, we cheered.
No doubt, we cheered to embarrass the hell out of our daughter, and tease the star-crossed teenagers. But we cheered because, even when the future is so uncertain, when love shows up in a time of change and challenge, it’s really the best thing ever.” —Julie