Un-Fair is a project that has stayed with me since 1997, when a man shook my hand and made a gentleman’s agreement, promising to exchange a beautiful vintage coin-op sit and ride Panda* that I had spotted in a junk shop - price unknown - in return for my creative hands to craft a bespoke 6 foot papier-mâché cactus.

The deal, whilst quirky, was clear.

I spent the next 3 months creating a beautifully ugly behemoth for him, and went to quite exceptional lengths to undertake ongoing feedback requests including sourcing a genuine 1 meter tall terracotta flower pot, and also spent many hours of my life applying exactly 3,764 deadly wooden spikes, following his comment stating it did not have ‘any pricks’.

Upon completion, he called me to his desk, and said ‘I love it, now how much do I owe you?’, to which I reminded him of our agreement - ‘One bespoke 6 foot papier-mâché cactus, complete with pot and pricks, in exchange for one vintage coin-op sit and ride Panda, available for purchase and arrangement of delivery at the The Junk Shop, 9 Greenwich South Street, London, SE10’. 

He seemed somewhat baffled, and opening his chequebook (it was the 90s) said in a rather arrogant Welsh accent ‘Just tell me what to write man’, which only served to annoy me, because I was brought up to stick to the deals I shake on. I didn’t want money, I wanted my beautiful Panda. 

Alas, the Panda didn’t materialise, and soon disappeared from the junk shop window, setting the stage for an obsession with drawing miserable animals - not just Pandas - attached to broken down coin-op sit and ride machines, waiting for the children that will never come.

You can buy Risograph prints of my Panda along with some other sad animal coin-op sit and rides, [here]​​​​​​​