RAGE
RAGE IS A QUIET THING
YOU THINK THAT YOU'VE TAMED IT
BUT IT'S JUST LYING IN WAIT
-SIMMER BY HAYLEY WILLIAMS
I just wanted to show how my room ends up looking like when it all gets to much, when the anger I constantly hold on to wins over delusion and logic. But what else am I supposed to feel but violent uncontrollable anger? How else am I supposed to feel when I know society has never been made for me? what else is one supposed to feel when reality has never been kind to them? How else am I supposed to feel when the people who caused me so much pain and trauma, that a slight raise of voice or someone screaming sets me off amongst other triggers, never apologized? What other emotion is a young Nigerian female living in Nigeria supposed to feel?
But I've always been told I am "strong black woman", never allowed to be anything other than someone who shows strength, resilience and determination. To endure and always fight for my rights, which has never made sense to me because why am I fighting to be treated with decency because I am not a male? why do i go through so much because I was born neuro-divergent? and what still boils my blood is the fact that I AM SEEN as the problem, told to comport myself to fit society's standard.
I'm Tired and since I can't afford to feel my rage and take it out on the pile of books in my room then curl up and cry, neither can I do all the things my mind is telling me and cause more damage to my skin amongst other things. I guess all I have left is to create this body of work and keep moving on. Hoping one day I let go of all this Anger before it consumes because the few times it won over the past couple of years, I wasn't proud of who I became.
