Chaper One
It goes a long way back, some twenty years. All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naive. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: That I am nobody but myself. But first I had to discover that I am an invisible man!
這一切都得從而二十年前說起。我畢生都在尋找一個答案，而我所到之處總有人試圖想直接告訴我答案是什麼，而我也接受了他們的答案，即便這些答案時常有矛盾之處，甚至是跟我的答案相抵觸。過去的我太天真，總在問別人那些只有我能夠回答的問題。我花了好長一段時間在痛苦的迴旋裡遊蕩，最終才發現了一個別人打從出生就知道的真相，那就是「我就只是我，我誰也不是。」但在得知這事實之前，還得先領悟自己其實根本是個隱形人！
And yet I am no freak of nature, nor of history. I was in the cards, other things having been equal (or unequal) eighty-five years ago. I am not ashamed of my grandparents for having been slaves. I am only ashamed of myself for having at one time been ashamed. About eighty-five years ago they were told that they were free, united with others of our country in everything pertaining to the common good, and, in everything social, separate like the fingers of the hand. And they believed it. They exulted in it. They stayed in their place, worked hard, and brought up my father to do the same. But my grandfather is the one. He was an odd old guy, my grandfather, and I am told I take after him. It was he who caused the trouble. On his deathbed he called my father to him and said, "Son, after I'm gone I want you to keep up the good fight. I never told you, but our life is a war and I have been a traitor all my born days, a spy in the enemy's country ever since I give up my gun back in the Reconstruction. Live with your head in the lion's mouth. I want you to overcome 'em with yeses, undermine 'em with grins, agree 'em to death and destruction, let 'em swollen you till they vomit or bust wide open." They thought the old man had gone out of his mind. He had been the meekest of men. The younger children were rushed from the room, the shades drawn and the flame of the lamp turned so low that it sputtered on the wick like the old man's breathing. "Learn it to the younguns," he whispered fiercely; then he died.
雖然我並不是天生的或是歷史中那種怪胎，但是我可以預期，這一切看似平凡的公平公正（或反之）在八十五年前可不是這麼回事。我不因為自己的祖父母曾是奴隸而感到羞愧，我只曾因為一次事件而為自己感到慚愧。在八十五年前，祖父母們被清楚地告知他們是自由之身，將可以與各地的夥伴們，攜手一起創造社會中的共同利益，而他們也相信了，他們因此沈浸在歡騰中。他們老老實實地盡己本分，認真工作，並以此教育我的父親也該是如此。特別要提我的祖父，他是個奇怪的老頭，許多人都說我跟他很像。而接下來一切問題的開始，也都是因為他。在他臨終的床邊，他把我爸爸叫到一旁並告訴他：「兒子，在我死之後我要你持續努力奮鬥，我從沒告訴過你，但其實我們的日子是場戰爭，而我打從出生就一直是個背叛者，一個在美國重建時期放棄了戰鬥並住在敵國的間諜。切記，我們永遠要如履薄冰。我要你懂得在服從中征服他們，在微笑中摧毀他們，同意每個可以至他們於死地或毀壞一切的機會，讓他們自食惡果以致最終難以下嚥而死。」周圍的人以為這老頭已經瘋了，因為一直以來他都是最溫馴的人。年輕一點的孩子們被趕離房間，而老人此時薄弱的呼吸就如同陰影中那一抹殘燭，他用盡全身最後一口氣呢喃到：「記起教訓，並教給年輕的戰鬥者們。」接著就離開了人世。
But my folks were more alarmed over his last words than over his dying. It was as though he had not died at all, his words caused so much anxiety. I was warned emphatically to forget what he had said and, indeed, this is the first time it has been mentioned outside the family circle. It had a tremendous effect upon me, however. I could never be sure of what he meant. Grandfather had been a quiet old man who never made any trouble, yet on his deathbed he had called himself a traitor and a spy, and he had spoken of his meekness as a dangerous activity. It became a constant puzzle which lay unanswered in the back of my mind. And whenever things went well for me I remembered my grandfather and felt guilty and uncomfortable.
但是我們對於祖父的死，對於他的遺言反而更在意且更警惕。就好像他還活著一樣，他的話給大家帶來了無限的焦慮，我被慎重的警告要忘記祖父剛才所說的一切，確實，這也是第一次在家族以外的場合被提及。然而，這一切已對我造成了巨大的影響。我永遠不可能理解祖父真正想表達的意義，他一直是如此安份的老人，從未製造過任何問題，但卻在臨終時稱自己是一個叛徒和一個間諜，還把自己的溫馴說成了一場危險的行動。這成為了一直以來在我腦海中一個未曾被解答的謎題，每當我感到生活一切都如此安穩的時候，就會想起祖父的話而開始感到罪惡與不適。
