Reflections
1. Where Are You Now?
I rarely find myself in a leadership position. I work at Target as an attendant at the front of the store, where I work largely independently from my fellow team members. Whereas my peers fix displays, assist guests on the floor, and stand ready at the checkout lanes, I am constantly on the move inside and outside the store. Out of all the employees in the store who are in my position, I have been there the longest. However, this grants me little authority. I instead collaborate with the other attendants to get things done. I enjoy my job because it suits my style of working. I tend to work alone in every area of my life, from personal projects to coursework. I am often uncomfortable being the one to delegate tasks to others until I know them on some personal level. Given that I prefer to work alone, I have developed a certain style of leading myself. The central pillar of this style is the maintenance of high standards. I subconsciously maintain a high standard of productivity and quality while working, and this drives me to points both high and low. I have completed many successful personal projects through my self-leadership, and I have also driven myself into the ground by placing excess pressure on myself. When the latter situation unfolds, my productivity diminishes, and I enter a spiral of self-loathing. I have been working to improve my attitude and my approach to self-leadership, striking a careful balance between productivity, quality, and stability.
2. Already Always Listening
My already-always listening for one of my coworkers is that he is lazy and prefers to leave tasks to others. This coworker, who I will refer to as Jared, has been with the team for over a year. After an extended leave of absence due to military service, he returned, gradually drawing the ire of his fellow attendants. My other coworkers and I began noticing that when left in Jared’s hands, the store begins to fall apart. Carts clog the parking lot, the bathrooms become a mess, and other tasks are left halfway done or ignored entirely. Everyone, even the most timid among us, has admitted that Jared’s performance is lackluster. This week, when Jared and I had a moment alone, he expressed frustration toward these complaints.
As the conversation went on, however, I realized that I was not listening to him. He had legitimate reasons for his level of performance. He was genuinely under the impression that he was doing enough and that he was not purposefully leaving any burdensome task to someone else. I believed him, but at the same time I wanted to figure out a way that he could be wrong or deceitful. Based on conversations I had already had with my other coworkers, I had already come to believe that Jared was intent on doing as little work as possible. Initially, I clung on to this view, but I made the painful realization that I was being unfair toward Jared. I admitted that I had engaged in the negative talk surrounding him, and I apologized. This experience taught me that already-always listening can create a situation where a leader can wholly misunderstand their subordinate’s feelings and motivators. I also learned that singling out a team member for having a different point of view can have disastrous effects on morale.
3. DISC
Based on my DISC report, my natural style ranks low in the Dominance style and high in the Influence, Steadiness, and Dominance styles. I am generally optimistic and strive to create an air of positivity wherever I go. Whenever I face a problem or challenge, I maintain high standards for myself. I believe that I can excel at whatever I do, and this allows me to withstand the stress of various situations. I prefer to work independently, but I am willing to delegate tasks to others. However, I expect others to live up to my standards, and I leverage my competence to demonstrate to them how things should be done. Despite this, I am willing to listen to others and quick to form genuine connections to them. I am willing to be flexible, but my high expectations will show when they are not met. I do not directly show my disappointment, but changes in my mood are still visible to others. This is a major blind spot, for others can become confused and frustrated upon observing these changes. I need to be more direct with my feelings and explicitly define my expectations. This could reduce my inclination to complain when things do not go my way. I believe that no matter where I go, I could utilize my strengths to simultaneously improve standards and increase positivity. I want to take my team or organization to greater heights and form genuine connections along the way. I have blind spots, but my DISC report has made me more aware of them.
4. Motivators
My DISC report indicates that my Individualistic and Power Motivators are the highest, and I have observed that these are the vital pillars of my work style. I crave to stand out from the group while also functioning as part of a single unit. I make significant efforts toward maximizing my time at work, completing every possible task at hand. For example, I once worked a single shift as a busser for an Irish pub on St. Patrick’s Day. I worked for eleven hours straight and almost never took a break. What I did not realize, however, was that I outpaced everyone. I remember rarely seeing the other bussers, and this was simply because I was more active and efficient than any of them. Apparently, many of these bussers continued to talk about my performance for months after my shift. This shift proved to be a microcosm of my work style. I want to be the best at what I do, and I want the autonomy to do what I believe to be the right thing. If I feel that I am an authority on something, I will have trouble listening to an alternative point of view. I want to retain power through my competence and attention to detail. My individualism and need for power both tie into my Steadiness style, for I prefer maintaining my own consistent niche. This can make me stand out and give me an advantage over others, but this can become a problem when collaboration is key.
5. 4 Steps to Communication
I used the 4 steps to communication when I faced a difficult situation at work earlier this week. The Target store where I work purchased new carts, and due to my position, this has affected me the most. These new carts are heavier and do not move together easily, making them difficult to collect. This week was also busier than usual, so I found myself overwhelmed. During one shift, I decided to speak with one of my team leaders about this situation. I first tried to establish rapport by discussing how busy it was. As we spoke, I made an effort to listen to every detail, for I knew that she was also under a lot of pressure. I asked what was expected of me, as this was an unusual situation. I was honest in saying that I would not be able to perform some of my other tasks inside the store. It was taking longer for me to collect the carts, and there were more of them to collect. My leader assured me that these tasks would be taken care of, and that I simply had to continue working outside. Throughout this conversation, I could feel my already-always listening kicking in a few times. I wanted to believe that this was all about me, but I also realized that everyone in the store was being affected by the situation. After this conversation, I felt much more confidant. I had a much better idea of what was expected of me, and some of
the pressure I had previously felt dissipated.
6. Followership Survey
On the followership survey, I scored 2 in thinking style, 4 in level of engagement, and 4 in loyalty to the leader. With 10 as my total score, it is evident based on this survey that I tend to display effective followership. At my job, I try to remain loyal to my team leaders even if I disagree with what they believe I should do. During many of my shifts, I rarely see my leaders, so I show my loyalty through my efficiency. There are times when my leaders advise me that I should take on a new task, but I often find these tasks to be superfluous. For example, one of my leaders once asked me to take certain carts that were inside the store and tie them together. This was apparently a new safety measure, but it made little sense to me. The carts were already in a walled-off area inside the store, and they would have to be untied moments later when the cart cleaners got to them. Additionally, there was no way for me to consistently reach the carts that needed to be tied. My response to this was to simply ignore the request. I noted on my survey that I do not prefer challenging my leader, and this was an example of that. My moderate score in thinking style indicates that I am loyal and engaged, but only to the extent where I can fulfill my own needs and not have to face issues with my leaders directly. I believe that on the “not play/play full out model” I largely “play not to lose.” I find that there is little motivation for me to take many risks on my job.
7. Cycle of Performance
I have hit deception many times while working on my art. I have gone through several periods where I was unable to finish many pieces, and the ones I finished did not satisfy me. During these times, I become overly critical of myself. My art style depends on precision and attention to detail. When I make just one visible error, I become frustrated. My pieces rely on a hefty amount of improvisation, but I find that the best way to pull myself out of deception is to meticulously plan out my pieces. By doing this, I regain my confidence in my ability to make a unique yet consistent drawing. Last year, after months of being stuck in the deception stage with my art, I suddenly reached the identity stage. An artist who I admire was releasing a PC game within a few months, and my excitement drove me to emulate his style. In the process, I discovered new methods which I would use regularly in my art going forward. Since this period, I have felt unconsciously competent and tackled many projects which would have seemed impossible to me two years ago. I believe that the reason I was able to reach the identity stage so quickly was that I was looking outside myself for inspiration. Much of my methods and ideas come strictly from my imagination, and I tend to avoid using references. However, by looking outside myself and blending another artist’s style with my own, I was able to propel my art forward.
8. Integrity
Out of the six words used to describe integrity that we discussed in class, I find “perfect condition” to be the most difficult to understand. Having integrity means having strong moral principles, but to suggest that one can follow these principles in a perfect fashion may be excessive. Morality often depends on the circumstances under which a decision is made. There may be no “right” way to do something, or one may have to break a promise due to an overriding need. Another word that we discussed, “whole,” is much more lenient. It suggests that a person should realize who they are and what moral principles they should follow. Staying true to these principles may cause them to stray away from reaching a “perfect condition,” but maintaining genuine integrity leaves them little choice in the matter.
I have no intention of using a cost/benefit analysis to anchor decision-making where my integrity is at stake. I believe that any benefit that I could gain from this mode of thinking would be canceled out by a hit to my integrity. Integrity is something that must be built over a long period of time, but it is generally a binary attribute. One either has integrity or lacks it. Instead of doing a cost/benefit analysis, I would much rather seek benefits where I do not have to potentially sacrifice my integrity. I want to stay true to my moral principles and not feel compelled to violate them for the sake of an inevitably short-lived reward. I want to stay true to my word when possible. If I have to go back on my word, I want to ensure that I only do so where it is required in order to remain morally consistent.
9. Feedback Orientation Survey
On the Feedback Orientation Survey, I scored 1 on the avoidant orientation, 2 on the performance prove orientation, and 4 on the learning orientation. Based on these scores, I am predisposed to the learning orientation. I agree with this because I like being challenged. For example, I have received few critiques of my art. I have shown my art to nearly everyone I know in real life, and thousands of people have seen it online. Despite this, I rarely receive an ounce of criticism. This has caused me to seek out criticism from others so that I can work on my techniques and improve my overall artistic ability. Engagement with my posts online allows me to see what appeals to people. I consider a lack of engagement to signify passive criticism, so I use my least popular posts as examples of how to improve. Naturally, part of me wants to avoid criticism and is glad that I do not receive much of it. I also enjoy hearing others confirm my competence. However, I feel that I must be challenged more to grow as an artist. At work, I like to steadily increase my competence and try out new things that I think will make me more efficient and successful. If there is valid criticism to be made regarding my performance, I take it to heart and attempt to change my methods accordingly. I believe that I would have to make such changes at some point anyway. I would likely arrive at them naturally, but being pushed forward by criticism can help.
10. Leadership and Team Simulation
During the team simulation, I tried to be mindful of my already always listening. I had my own personal goals, but I knew that my teammates had goals of their own. I gradually realized that some of our goals conflicted with each other. For example, one of my personal goals was to have everyone stay at the same camp on the same day. However, my teammates had goals that required them to stay at different camps. I tried to not let these conflicting goals stop me from listening to my teammates. After all, the most important thing for us was to reach the summit. I managed to put my personal goals aside even though it cost me points. During the simulation, I realized the value of having extended exchanges with my teammates in order to arrive at the best possible decision. My team spent each day considering every issue. Each team member had multiple opportunities to speak, and we all double-checked to make sure we were communicating effectively. Compared to a few months ago, I feel more confidant in my ability to offer feedback to leaders and work out solutions with them. Working on the various assignments in this course has helped me to see some of the gears turning behind the sometimes grandiose terms surrounding leadership. I enjoyed all of the experiences I had with teams in this class and look forward to using what I have learned to better my skills in the future.
