Beautiful Monster: How my high school sweetheart became my abuser
by Jay Badenhorst
"There are so many moments that I could have done differently, so many words I wish I could take back. Hit pause, step out of the scene and tweak the narrative, shovel the context, and change the outcome. But who would that make me, where would I be, and how different would my life have become?"
How do you, as a man, speak out about abuse? When, as a boy, you're taught not to cry or be too sensitive. To keep your emotions closed off from everybody else. You hold your story and your feelings so near to you in an attempt to stay in control. While your shame burns and grows like the scars in your mind, left there by her words. And the ones on your body carved there by her hands.How do you fight when she consumes you. Her face appearing literally in every frame on the walls that surround you? You are more loyal to her than any of her addictions. Who are you to claim she hurt you? To allow your pain to leak out? You know you'd never be able to quantify the guilt if you were to shout a little louder, hit back! How do you love her so much that you've made peace with the notion that staying means you'll die there, but leaving is not an option?
Reviews
I have not read many autobiographies, so when I picked up Beautiful Monster I didn't know what to expect. I must say I was amazingly surprised at how good it was.
The author writes in such an addictive manner, that flows easily, it keeps you completely intrigued and wanting to hear more of his story. I must give the audience fair warning, it is not a book for the faint of heart, I found myself in tears at the end. Jay writes in such a profound and emotional way, his story touched me deeply. I feel also enlightened, Beautiful Monster makes us aware that physical and emotional abuse can happen to anyone by anyone, no matter their age, sex or race. There were moments while reading I felt actual goosebumps on my skin, it was easy to relate to him while reading and to put myself in his shoes.
An impressive debut, I will be sure to keep an eye out for more future works from this author.
The author writes in such an addictive manner, that flows easily, it keeps you completely intrigued and wanting to hear more of his story. I must give the audience fair warning, it is not a book for the faint of heart, I found myself in tears at the end. Jay writes in such a profound and emotional way, his story touched me deeply. I feel also enlightened, Beautiful Monster makes us aware that physical and emotional abuse can happen to anyone by anyone, no matter their age, sex or race. There were moments while reading I felt actual goosebumps on my skin, it was easy to relate to him while reading and to put myself in his shoes.
An impressive debut, I will be sure to keep an eye out for more future works from this author.
Captivating, gripping, riveting, inspirational, powerful, heart-breaking – all of these words best describe Beautiful Monster written by Jan-Hendrik (jay) Badenhorst.
The moment I opened Beautiful Monster and read the first couple sentences, I was hooked. From one page to the next, time flew by and before I knew it, it was 4am. The author’s style of writing is very descriptive and detailed that when reading a scene you feel as if you are right there with him in the moment.
Beautiful Monster is a roller coaster of heart-wrenching moments that brought me to tears and other moments that left me enraged.
Jay’s exceptional writing and strong story touched me deeply. To express physical and emotional abuse in words is not for the faint of heart. Beautiful Monster has made me aware that abuse can happen towards men as well. I hope that millions of people read this book and that it creates awareness for men’s mental health.
Beautiful Monster is a MUST read!
Beautiful Monster is a roller coaster of heart-wrenching moments that brought me to tears and other moments that left me enraged.
Jay’s exceptional writing and strong story touched me deeply. To express physical and emotional abuse in words is not for the faint of heart. Beautiful Monster has made me aware that abuse can happen towards men as well. I hope that millions of people read this book and that it creates awareness for men’s mental health.
Beautiful Monster is a MUST read!
- Tristan Evan
Devastatingly beautiful. A raw and engaging reflection on a heartbreaking journey through abuse and self discovery. I cried more than once and finished it within a day. The imagery and authenticity created by the author leaves you feeling as if you are truly living through every moment along with him.
This book is a must read. Abuse against men is not vocalized enough in our society. Men showing gentleness, empathy and being allowed to feel vulnerable is SO important. Men being seen as equally capable caregivers, homemakers and parents is the type of narrative we should be instilling in every little boy. This book proves that strength and hope can be found in even the most traumatic of circumstances.
This book is a must read. Abuse against men is not vocalized enough in our society. Men showing gentleness, empathy and being allowed to feel vulnerable is SO important. Men being seen as equally capable caregivers, homemakers and parents is the type of narrative we should be instilling in every little boy. This book proves that strength and hope can be found in even the most traumatic of circumstances.
Some stories are both difficult to tell… but also important to tell. Jay’s story is one of these. In My Beautiful Monster the autobiographical account carries tremendous weight. With brutal honesty and through raw recollections, Jay tells his life story.
The book undoubtedly began as one man’s therapeutic journey, but will now have an impact on many as it testifies to perseverance of human spirit in the midst of some of life’s most challenging times. A painful but inspirational story of a man I’m proud to call my friend.
The book undoubtedly began as one man’s therapeutic journey, but will now have an impact on many as it testifies to perseverance of human spirit in the midst of some of life’s most challenging times. A painful but inspirational story of a man I’m proud to call my friend.
- Jared
Jay Badenhorst’s subversive brilliance shines in new and unexpected ways with his book, Beautiful Monster. I literally could not put it down... the vivid language instantly transported me into his dark world. I can’t imagine how challenging it must have been to tackle this emotional, gut wrenching, heartwarming sincere book. Jay writes with an un-apologetically realistic delivery packed with emotion. A MUST READ!!
Rarely does one read a book where you have to close to take a breath due to the raw and real experience of his abuser - the person closest to him. This is stunning and challenging read. It opens a world of manipulation and suffering that we simply can’t avoid in life. An incredibly courageous author and an enriched readership to be able to share in his story.
A harrowing account of how abuse spirals out of control. A stark reminder of how fragile our lives and relationships can be. The author weaves the tale of abuse through otherwise everyday scenes and events and some of the action caught me completely off guard and I felt breathless.
- Lucas Grant
This was a phenomenal story of courage. Once I started in, I was too nervous to put it down - I just had to know. All the while I was in awe of the immense strength it must have taken to get to the end of this story. It is an inspiring, and heartbreaking read. Just amazing.
I couldn’t put it down the first time I read it and I loved it even more the second time. It is a beautiful, heart wrenching story!!
Finished it in 2 days - you can't stop reading it, you want to know more. Being a true story makes it even more interesting.
I couldn’t put the book down! This story, based on true events, is captivating and very well written. A must read.
Beautiful Monster is an absolute must-read. You won’t put it down until it’s done.
