Can't We All Get A Schlong?

CAN'T WE ALL GET A-SCHLONG?

Tons o' butt-shakin' kiddies -- in costumes rangin' from the Blair Witch to the YK2 Bug -- got a ghouly groove on at KROQ'S FOURTH ANNUAL
HALLOWEEN COSTUME BALL, held this year at the American Legion Hall on Highland Avenue. While MOBY (pictured), who manned the turntables during his sets clad in a teeny-weeny bikini and a sash that said "IDIOT," worked his voodoo on the wax and played DJ tag with FATBOY SLIM and THE WISEGUYS, all the frightful freaks, including CRYSTAL METHOD and woosome twosome GAVIN ROSSDALE of Bush and GWEN STEFANI of No Doubt, whooped it up on the dance floor. (Moby wowed the crowd at Sugar the night before with an unannounced set.) Later, hangin' outside, we got really spooked when KROQ's JED THE FISH -- dressed up as a nerd in a sweat-stained shirt and short pants with a super faux schlong dangling down the side of his leg that woulda' made John Holmes pout -- stood in front of us and proceeded to wank on the monstrous thing 'til he, uh, reached a creamy satisfaction. He then insisted that we shake hands and get together sometime. We quickly introduced him to the Glenn Close look-alike standing a few feet away with "I Will Not Be Ignored" scrawled in red on the back of her blouse, and we got the hell outta there. We can only hope it was a fatal attraction.

--Derrick Mathis

http://www.laweekly.com/music/slush/get-a-clue-little-dreamer/11713/